Reid My Mind

“Good Evening!”
Music begins: A funky break beat loop.

TR:
Tribe and trust!

Tribe and trust.

These were the two themes in the last episode with film maker Andres Jay Molina.
Well, for me at least, it was apparent that they play a big roll in the adjustment process. Not just for Jay, but in some way for us all.

When I refer to tribe, I’m talking about a community of people you identify with. Typically this includes support, encouragement and collaboration. It’s not about the number of people but rather the quality of the relationships.

Then there’s trust. First in yourself. As in having the courage and strength to live, speak and move through life in your truth. Whatever that is!

Then, trusting in others.

Even if their not a part of the tribe, which can test a person’s ability to trust.

For this final self portrait, I decided to sit with these things. Ask myself, “how do these things fit into my life today?”

Going into this episode reminds me of how I used to feel when my girls were younger and they’d sit with me in the kitchen as I prepare a dinner every now and then.

“Baby girls”, I’d say to them, ” I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I guess we’ll see!”

And then one of my girls would say, “Daddy, you’re Blind, you can’t see! And then we’d laugh.

— TR & daughters in conversation laughing.

Take a listen to the episode featuring my girls earlier this season and you’ll definitely get an understanding of our humor and communication style.

I’m Thomas Reid and you are now rocking with Reid My Mind Radio!
— Reid My Mind Radio Intro
Andres “Jay” Molina:
When I first got to the nursing home I didn’t know anybody of course, So I was just hanging out by myself. And then one of the nurses told me, go outside, there’s people just like you, young like you, and you can talk to them.

But when I saw these guys actually, one of them looked Dominican, I’m Dominican.
And that attracted me more.
And as soon as I approached them, they just looked at me and saidcome on man you with us.
and I started hanging out with them.
And that’s when we became friends.

TR:
I wasn’t in any way alone during my early days of blindness. I had my family and some close friends. I even found another brother who I could speak with about this new experience we shared.

Yet, when I heard Jay talk about meeting the other brothers outside the nursing home, it reminded me how I wanted more of that in my early days of blindness.

Today, I believe what I wanted was acceptance and brotherhood. People in my life who really understood what I was now experiencing.
My family and others were sympathetic but sometimes you just want to be around those who you know just get it.

Details matter in relationships.

When I asked Jay for example, what was it about the group of guys hanging outside of the nursing home, that made him feel their words,

Andre Jay Molina:
Come on you’re with us.

TR:
… were true?

He was quick to say, they looked like him. They weren’t dopple gangers.
They just shared a culture and background. A Style of dress, haircuts or the way you wear your hat. It’s recognizable.

— Can’t Stop Won’t Stop, PCB Convention!

TR:
I used to serve as the Conference Coordinator for the Pennsylvania Council of the Blind.
During this one conference in Johnstown PA, a hotel employee, asks me, “Where you from? You’re not from out here.”, he says. “Are you from New York?”

That’s all she wrote. He and I started talking and as he noted, living out there in Johnstown, he was really home sick and didn’t really ever get the chance to kick it with someone in that way. It’s in the vibe. The way you say something as in more than the words. It’s understood. No explanations necessary.

For the rest of that weekend and even the next time we were in that hotel, if he saw me, he was going to stop and try to resume our conversation. I felt bad because I was busy and often couldn’t chat as much as I would have liked to. I too was missing that familiarity. I just wasn’t in the position to kick it. But I appreciated him.

There’s something funny about being away from home and finding someone else from your town that makes you immediately bond with them. I’m sure this applies to others, but I can tell you there’s definitely a New York thing that happens when we’re out of town.

I’ve been all sorts of places, thousands of miles away from home and all of a sudden, you make eye contact with someone and one of you immediately knows.. “You from New York bro?” I’ve met people who I believe if something broke out where ever we were at the time, they’d have my back just on some we’re both from NYC type of thing. But if we were in NYC, chances are we wouldn’t speak to one another.

That’s so funny! And yet awful and real.

Wehn you’re new to disability, you can feel as if you’re in a foreign land right in your own neighborhood.

The idea of recognizing home in someone is probably relateable to us all.

In that space with the Pennsylvania Council of the Blind, it took some time to feel like a part of the group. But if I’m being honest, something was missing for me that could have made that feel more like my tribe.

From the moment I attended my first conference, there were those in the group who weren’t welcoming.
That’s to be expected. I don’t think they liked me, my style or my ideas.
The fact that I was rolling with a crew of people who were either new to blindness or new to the organized blind environment.

We were also interested in having a good time and hyping ourselves up. Ok, I probably did a lot of the hyping up.
Most of the people seemed to enjoy and appreciate that but there were definitely those who turned their noses up to that sort of thing.

Even years later, after all of the work put into the organization it just wasn’t feeling like home. i chalked it up to not being from PA.

Truth is, even though I lived here for over twenty years now, I just can’t seem to claim it like that. I’m not PA.
I’m always NYC.

Don’t get me wrong, I truly love and deeply appreciate the people in PCB and what I was able to learn both from them directly and through all of the interactions and experiences.

Today, I’m older and still sort of feel a desire to find my tribe, but I now believe that there’s not one for me. Rather, there are multiple communities that fulfill me in different ways and at different times.

A disability centered space is something I find myself wanting to be around.
Not all the time, but that free flowing accesible environment like we used to create with the PCB in person conference is a great space to explore and feel what the world can be with a bit of access.

Access is just part of the story.
If you’re a person with multiple identities, inclusion means you’re able to comfortably express your full self.
You shouldn’t have to deny some aspect of who you are in order to be accepted.

For so long, there weren’t many places outside of my home and among my family, where I felt I can be my full self.

That’s not on anyone but me.

There are people I’m around today where I feel much more comfortable being myself.
Some of that is because they are accepting, but a bigger part is me.
I just care less today about what other people think.

Maybe I’m just more comfortable with who I am as a person?

This is definitely about blindness.

By the time I became Blind, I was quite secure with myself as a Black man. But sometimes I still feel as though I’m in search of my tribe. The place I can bring my full self. My Black,which includes my Puerto Rican, my Blind, Bronx, my very silly and nerdy self.

I’ve been promising my family that this is the year I grow up since forever! Forget that, I’m staying five for as long as I’m alive!

Is there a place that would welcome all of me?

Unfortunately, organizations may think they’re welcoming of everyone, but individuals that make up the organization don’t necessarily subscribe to that same idea. Even if they think they do, their actions aren’t always inline with that philosophy.

Everything is fine when it’s obvious you’re all headed to the same destination.
You’re on cruise control. Things seem to change though, when you hit an intersection. And when that is at the corner of let’s say Blind and Black for example, well the degree of openness and brother and sisterhood get’s tested. Welcoming, inclusion, diversity, all that stuff you said you are actually get’s tested.

If you’re a part of such an organization, look around and if those who you met at the intersection are gone, well, you probably failed.
Perhaps it’s time to stop saying you’re welcoming and actually become that.

As disabled people, so much of our lives are impacted by access.

The spaces we visit, the content and information we consume, the types of services we use. It all boils down to physical, digital or some other form of accessibility.

If I’m interested in participating in an event or getting involved with a non blindness organization, I have to think about and plan around accessibility. I need to be prepared to spend time working through a website or app.
Ready to take a picture of a hand out circulated during an event in order to have my phone read it.
Ask for some sort of direction in a new physical space.

Truth is most organizations like people, never consider accessibility. They never had to think about it.

Similarly,organizations with very low or no participation from Black people and others of color, may not recognize the exclusion. Or should I say non-inclusion? (Laughs)

The problem is when any of these organizations say they are inclusive but don’t take any meaningful steps to actually change.
Therefore, my Black and or my Blind are not really welcomed.

Is it really a community if my access needs aren’t being met but culturally I’m included? Can I consider myself a part of a community when all of my access needs are met, but I have to leave my culture at the door.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise that this affects my participation.

Or is that what they wanted all along?

Then they were never about community.

— DJ Scratch transition

TR:
I could imagine that some people found it strange when Jay mentioned that he and the other fellas didn’t immediately trust Jennilee Brewster.

If you recall, the group of brothers would gather outside the nursing home. Smoke a little weed. You know, just chillin’. And yes, at the time, weed wasn’t legal in New York.

Andres “Jay” Molina:
And then we had this white woman coming around asking questions. She was being really persistent.

TR:
I won’t beat around the bush here, these brothers most likely were concerned that Ms. Brewster could be a Karen.

A white lady asserting her privilege and budding into the lives and business of others, especially people of color.

You can find lots of examples of Karen’s at work on YouTube today thanks to smart phones and the ease of recording.

I’m in no way suggesting you go down that rabbit hole. It leads to all sorts of racists encounters that has an under current of possible violence. Plus watching mentally unstable people shouldn’t be entertainment.

For those who are actually named Karen, I feel for you.
But you have nothing to worry about if you’re not the type of person to racially profile people. There’s no need to be offended if you’re not the type of person to call the police on little Black children selling lemonade outside their own homes.

For Black people and others of color, these experiences aren’t knew at all. They’re just documented now.

Whether in corporate environments, schools, social settings, just about everywhere we exist, we learn to bob and weave avoiding micro agressions like a boxer dodging jabs, upper cuts and knockout blows.

No, actually, every where we exist!

— Clip of MTG attacking Rep. Jasmine Crokett in Congress.

TR:
So when jay explained that he and the rest of the brothers who would become the reality poets were leery about letting Miss Brewster into their circle, well some of us can relate.

Yet, we need each other. Jay’s story reminds us of that.

It’s an example of how opportunity often doesn’t present itself like we imagine it in our minds. It’s not as defined. It’s not flashy. The messenger rarely looks like the person we imagine or hope for.

Trust is essential.

Jay and the rest of the brothers eventually did put their trst in Ms. Brewster. It paid off. They became the Reality Poets. That not only made an impact on them personally but they’re art is doing the same for others.

What if they didn’t trust? What if they waited for an opportunity to present itself in a way that made them more comfortable?

Did Jay’s past make you uncomfortable?

I’m talking about his former occupation; drug dealer. He spent time in prison. I never asked about that part of his life. It’s in his past.

I do think about how many Black and brown people today are behind bars for selling weed. Meanwhile, now legal in many states, the Cannabis industry, overwhelmingly run by white men, has taken off. And like every other industry that forms, will be run by a few large corporations.

I think about these Black and brown men and women who when released from prison struggle to support themselves. This world doesn’t really seem to hand out second chances very equitably.

I don’t want all of these micro aggressions, systemic problems, the attacks on humanity, to change me for the worse. I want to believe in people, while still being aware. I want to be conscious and still able to trust in others.

That takes serious work!

— Break beat Transition

TR:
When should we trust ourselves?

We all have ideas that at some given time, we believe are correct and defend.

When something forces us to re-examine our perspective, we either realize our ignorance and change or become even more convinced we’re right.

When Jay talked about his reaction to seeing a wheel chair user at the bus stop knowing it was going to make him late for work, I’m sure he felt justified and would defend his position at that time. It’s a common reaction in a busy town where everyone is rushing somewhere. We want to hold someone responsible.

You ever notice how no one gets mad at the bus designers? Why the heck didn’t the bus manufacturers make it easier for those using wheelchairs to get on the bus like everyone else?

We don’t get madat ourselves for not leaving earlier and building in time for unexpected delays.

I give Jay a lot of credit for sharing that story. Any time someone shares an ableist thought or action from their past, I want to highlight it and recognize them for their honesty. I know it’s not easy.
I also think it’s something we should uplift for the sake of making space for us all to grow. I want that space for me too.
I’ve said and done things back in the day I wouldn’t do today.

I recognize and appreciate that Jay had to have a certain level of trust for me to share that story. In fact, I’ll say that about all of those who share their stories with me on the podcast.

I actually take that pretty seriously. Trust in general, is a core value of mine. I don’t do well with those who break it.

Trust needs to be earned.

Yet, we really do trust in things that can’t actually earn our trust. Wheelchairs, computers, access technology, a white cane.
All of these things can’t earn our trust. We’re believing in those who make the equipment, those who teach us how to use them and mainly ourselves and our ability.

When I once trained those new to blindness on technology, it was pretty obvious after a while who was going to adapt to the new way of getting things done.
Some would focus on how they used to do it.

“I used to just click the mouse and drag this file over to the other window”, they’d say. Yes, I know, I’d say.
I did that too, but now let me show you how you can do this today.

I hated my screen reader in the early days. I tried to convince myself that I couldn’t understand what it was saying. But it was clear that the more I complained to myself, the less I was actually getting done.

I didn’t have an alternative. My eyes were gone but my ears and ability to learn were all in tact. So either I was going to quit and do nothing or figure it out. In my mind, the pain of quitting and doing nothing feels worse than trying and not getting it. At least you can keep trying.

Then again, thinking about this now, of course I’d adapt to the technology. I’ve always been comfortable with tech.
I’m confident in my abilities, I trust myself.

In other areas of my life, I don’t feel as confident and may not be as quick to adapt.

Dang! I have to keep it real. There are times when it feels like I can’t trust or believe in others, but perhaps I’m really not trusting in myself.

My ego is telling me to strike this from the episode, wwe’ll see who wins.

— DJ Scratch Transition

TR:
There was a lot of trust involved in this Art of Adjustment season. I had no idea how I would produce the self-portrait episodes. I relied on inspiration and faith that something would come out of the conversations. That part is a given, it’s more about the trust in being able to make it work.

Whether or not it works is subjective. That’s up to you the listeneror transcript reader.

My hope is that some concept or idea discussed in one of these AOA episodes got you thinking. Perhaps encouraging you to consider how art or some form of expression can be a vehicle to assist you in your own adjustment.

The focus here on R double M Radio is adjustment to disability, but it applies to life in general.

Ah, y’all know that.
You all make connections and don’t experience things in a vacuum. That’s why I enjoy hanging with y’all!

Hey! This is my tribe! The R double M Radio family.

This podcast has helped me meet and establish relationships with people I’d otherwise never really get the chance to interact with. We share similar perspectives on a variety of topics. At least, we share the idea of being open. For me that means, open to other points of view, but not when they come at the expense of others or threaten a group’s existence. I’ll remain closed to hate, lies and deception. That’s some corny sucker stuff!

Even though this is a podcast and the communication seems like it only flows in one direction, you know it doesn’t have to always be like that.You can hit me up, ReidMyMindRadio@gmail.com. Give it a try.
REIDMYMINDRADIO@GMAIL.
COM (spelled out).

How is art or some other form of expression a part of your adjustment?
Have you been delaying the pursuit of that interest?
Did any particular story resonate with you in a special way?

Let a brother know.

— DJ Scratch Transition

If you didn’t really dig these series of episodes, like it wasn’t your thing, you can blame that on me. Well, you’re probably not listening right now so I’ll move on.

If you enjoyed these episodes well give the credit to the artists themselves: Krystle, Andrew, Kiana and Jay.

It’s all their fault!

They not only shared their stories and perspectives but they inspired the thoughts and ideas that came to be the self portrait episodes. That inspiration is a result of our actual conversations, they’re work, interests and experiences.

I hope it proved to do the same for you.

The process of producing it alone in my mind is the win for me. Like I said earlier… ” I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I guess we’ll see!”

I’m off to continue working on the next season. That means you won’t hear from me until July. Or August, there’s a lot going on.

We do have a Blind Centered Audio Description Chat episode dropping in June. So stay tuned for that.

Also, if you’re interested in some free audio described content head on over to ReidMyMind.com. I’ll link you to a YouTube playlist of the
2024 Easterseals Disability Film Challenge Finalists. Audio description provided by Social Audio Description Collective!

— Airhorn

The best way to stay informed,is to follow or subscribe to Reid My Mind Radio wherever you get podcasts. Transcripts and more are at ReidMyMind.com.

There’s lots of ways to get there:
Maybe you open your favorite browser and type, some of y’all like to dictate…
however you do it, you got to spell it right

Say it with me; that’s R to the E, I D.
— Sample: “D… and that’s me in the place to be! Slick Rick

Like my last name.

–Reid My Mind Radio Outro

Peace!

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