Posts Tagged ‘Misperceptions’

Reid My Mind Radio – Abigail Style Means Business

Wednesday, July 5th, 2017

Abby is an illustration of a stylish fashion icon who walks in confidence, handbag in one hand, white cane in the other and her exquisite hairstyle floats about her head. She is wearing heels with a dress made of individual panels resembling overlapping banana leaves. The dress panels gently curve from her nipped in waist to just above the knee.
Who is Abigail Style?

Past guest of the podcast and fashion blogger Steph McCoy of Bold Blind Beauty is here to tell us all about Abigail. Plus she shares some life lessons on creating a business and working towards goals.

Now, here’s what you should accomplish;
1. Listen to this episode
2. Tell me about your goals and any methods or tools you use to stay on track… use the comments or email reidmymindradio@gmail.com
3. Subscribe to the podcast if you aren’t already…
4. Tell a friend by Sharing the episode on your favorite social network!

Resources:

Transcript

Show the transcript


TR:
What’s good family?

So the other day I’m in the park with my family.
I strike up a conversation with someone nearby and introduce myself.
They ask if I’m the host of Reid My Mind Radio!

I couldn’t believe they knew me.

Then all of a sudden another person standing near us over hears the conversation and
says they too are listeners…

Next thing you know the entire park breaks into this impromptu celebration of Reid My Mind Radio!

Fortunately I had my recorder going…
just listen to this…

[Audio: fourth of July Fireworks]

I’m still riding the high from that experience!

Raven: Uh, Daddy we need to talk

TR:
Talk about what?

[Reid My Mind Theme Music]

SM:
Bold Blind Beauty in a nutshell is all about real beauty transcending barriers.

TR:

Say hello to Steph McCoy.
If you’ve been riding with the podcast for a while you may remember Steph.
Some time ago I featured her on the podcast talking all about her blog BoldBlindBeauty.com.

SM:
I started with the purpose of helping blind women with makeup and fashion style beauty that type of thing because as a society we kind of think that people who are blind or vision impaired aren’t concerned with these types of things. And we know now that’s totally not true.

I’ve always been an advocate. I’m 56 years old. It took me about 54 of those years to figure that out. It’s who I am. I’m an advocate. I advocated on behalf of my son who had A.D.H.D. I advocated on behalf of my mother who has a physical disability. It became more difficult when I began losing my sight and then subsequently became legally blind. Now I had to advocate on behalf of myself. It’s easy to do this for other people but for yourself it’s a little different.

[TR in conversation with SM:]

Has blogging, because it’s related to the vision loss, has that in any way impacted your adjustment process?

SM:
Yeah that’s a good question Tom. I actually do think that it’s helped it’s helped exponentially not just myself but others because blogging is hard. It takes real dedication. It’s not just about the writing. It’s the writing and researching it’s taking photographs it’s interacting with people, connecting with people. And every time I would get to the point where I thought you know I can’t do this anymore I just wanted to give up I would get either a phone call or text message or somebody reach me through Facebook or some other means and it would be a blind woman who would say you know I was just reading your blog and I just want to say that it’s so helpful to me, it’s such an inspiration and I love what you’re doing and it’s been people like that that have kept me going.

TR :

Steph said she got a late start on moving on after blindness due to
her Retina Specialist sugar coating the fact that she was legally blind.

A more pragmatic person Steph was ready to just move on with her life.

SM:
Hope is a wonderful thing. It’s awesome, we need hope. But at some point you have to be able to deal with the real issues so you can move on. I had to move on so I could know where I was going to go as far as my job as far as where I was living what I was going to do down the road and I thought
like he was sort of hindering that. Had he been onboard earlier and a supporter of the things that I wanted to do like when I suggested to him that I wanted to learn how to use the white cane and he said oh no you don’t want to do that. That would be a tragedy. See that’s in a sense the negative connotation of how people perceive blindness.

[TR in conversation with SM:]
He said that would be a tragedy? Is that what you said?

Yes! Yes, he said it would be a tragedy.
[TR in conversation with SM:]
Wow! Wow!

SM:
Here I am, trying to be proactive I want to continue with my life and I have this doctor a professional who I am supposed to be looking up to telling me that it would be a tragedy to learn how to use the white cane

[TR in conversation with SM:]

Wow!

TR:

She may have not gotten that quick start, but Steph is definitely in the race.

She’s recently launched her business which began with one person. Well,
fictional person, named Abigail Style.
fictional person, named Abigail Style.

SM:
Abigail, is my white cane icon. She’s a fashionista a real fashionista. I see her in my mind years ago I just didn’t have the ability to create her so a couple years ago I put out some feelers on the blog and a couple people recommended different artists`. I connected with one and I was telling her what I was thinking that the white icon looks like. She drew a couple of sketches for me. We settled on one and voila Abigail was born. As a matter of fact I recently just posted her back story on the blog. She’s just a real go getter.

Abigail is a homanation of ability and Nightingale – small little brown bird that has a beautiful singing
voice. She carries a white cane in her right hand, she has her handbag in her left hand. She has this really snazzy looking dress that sort of resembles banana leaves. They look like they overlap. It’s nifted at the waist, it sort of blossoms out. She’s a little bit hippy(laughs). She wears heels and she has this really cute hair style that was very unique. It just sort of floats in the air. It’s not a real structured sort of hair style. We wanted her to be the unique individual that she is; so she looks unique, she has a unique story, she’s a unique person, but she appeals to anybody not just women, but men and children I mean anybody.

[TR in conversation with SM:]
Is this you alter ego?

SM:

When I first started I thought she was, but as story developed I realized that she is really who I would aspire to be. She knows no fear. She’s
adventuresome, she’s traveled the world. All the things that I would like to do Abigail has done and is doing.

[TR in conversation with SM:]
Ok, so she’s Spider Man and you’re Peter Parker.

SM:
Yeah!

[Both laugh… fades out]

TR:

Both Steph and Abigale mean business.
Abigail Style is the E-Commerce component of Bold Blind Beauty.com.
Currently selling slogan printed apparel and novelties like
T-shirts, mugs and other items with messages tailored to the blog’s audience.
Messages like…
Blind Chicks with Attitudes
Hey, I’m walking here
And the Bold Blind and Beautiful series as in …
My Mom, My Sister or My Friend is Bold Blind and Beautiful

And for the men?

SM:
I actually have a few men’s t-shirts as well. The message isn’t targeted to men it’s targeted to women. Like if you’re a father of a young woman who is blind or visually impaired it would say my daughter is Bold Blind and Beautiful or my sister is Bold Blind and Beautiful.

It didn’t occur to me until just a few weeks ago I had all these things designed and I actually did the designs, I didn’t have one thing that said Bold Blind Beauty. I have my URL on the bottom of all the designs but nothing that says Bold Blind Beauty. I am actually working with a designer who is helping me with that so we will be carrying some products that do say Bold Blind beauty.

blind
I want to extend the product line beyond T-Shirts, mugs and tote bags. I would like to do cosmetics as well. As a matter of fact I recently implemented
a steering committee and they’re helping me with increasing our product line. We would love to begin carrying some apparel and jewelry and actually some things that are designed by blind women. I think we’re going to try to partner with other companies to get our brand out there. With Abigail, we call her Abbi. If a company has something that would be appealing to our demographic we would obviously want to have the Abigail brand on that particular item and then we would offer it up through the store. Some of the things that we’re thinking about doing, one thing in particular, the white Cane. We know that
there’s a lot of controversy over adapting them. My philosophy on the white cane is it is a personal choice. I love my white cane. I go everywhere with it but
I also wanted something that was sort of, that spoke to me. So I got a cane from Ambutech. Instead of the red section at the bottom it has a green section. So one of the things I was thinking about for Abigail Style was having a blingged out white cane. Not the entire cane but maybe just the handle with some crystals or the emblem. There’s so many different ways you can go with it. You know just to have fun. Women like to be pretty, they like to feel pretty so why not have a cane that represents that. I have one that’s green and yellow.

[TR in conversation with SM:]
Oh, is it the whole cane or just the bottom?

SM:
I just have the bottom section is green and I think my handle is yellow or it might be vice versa. Even the tip, the tip is a different color. Now the rest of the cane I kept it white but you can design it the way you want to.

TR:

Starting a business for anyone can be a fantastic idea.
For people with disabilities who experience 50 to 70 percent unemployment,
generating income from a business venture can greatly enhance their lifestyle.

That business could be a side hustle, a part time gig supplementing other earnings or income.

This venture, for Steph is more than that.
She’s really going for it – working with the Bureau of Blindness and Visual Services for
several years to develop what has become Abigail Style.

SM:

they require that you have a business plan and you know all these different things and they will help you out you know financially with them as sort of
like a matching gift type deal. The person I was working with felt that the blog by itself wasn’t a business, but in my mind in my heart and soul it was. I just couldn’t get it to how they wanted it to be. But now that I’ve brought in these other people, I have a business plan I’m constantly revamping it, we can see how it is what I envisioned it to be and is gonna be bigger.
their IT we
What had to happen we had to narrow the focus because before it got to where it is today you know I was sort of all over the map. It makes sense now and it’s making sense to the customers because they realize they know that it’s Bold Blind Beauty. If they want to purchase something through the E-commerce store they go to Abigail Style, but they’re doing it through Bold Blind Beauty.

[TR in conversation with SM:]
Outside of the fact that you created that character around it why didn’t you just call the store Bold Blind Beauty?

SM:
Yeah I had wanted to do that but when I was setting it up I already had the .com for the blog and I couldn’t do that for the store. Now I could have done some other things but in my mind at the time I was thinking Abigail is the icon and she’s the reason for the store and again I was working with the bureau and they were telling me you know the business you have to have something you have to make money. So in listening to them I went and main the store Abigail Style after this character Abigail when I just should have went according to what my heart was telling me in the first place.

[TR in conversation with SM:]You’re right the whatever product that is exactly what it is so I started on one path once I got to a certain point I realized OK I have to put two things
Either way you make it work.

You kind of said how you were trying this trying that and now you’re getting more where you it’s starting to kind of narrow down and you’re really starting to focus in and get a better sense of the direction and where you’re going. Would you change that if you could go back or is there anything about the process where you think it was helpful. It seems like you just kept going and you figured it out.

SM:

You’re right. The word process is exactly what it is. So I started on one path once I got to a certain point I realized ok I have to tweak some things .

At one point, I forgot to mention, because the bureau was helping me I had implemented an image consulting business because that’s what they wanted
but it wasn’t what I wanted it was what they wanted. And I had to come home after a year, a whole year was put into this with the business plan and everything and after a year I sat down and thought about it. I scrapped it and went back to doing what I was doing and I tweaked it.

I think the moral is to go with your heart, but don’t stop. Just keep going. Just adjust as you need to. You’ll figure it out.

[TR in conversation with SM:]

If I tell you it’s not if it’s not right. The I.D.R. now is it to strive for perfection it’s just do the best I can with what I have. But they’re doing it through both
Yeah, I think we stop ourselves a lot and I know I’ve done that in the past and that’s one thing I realize. It’s best to just keep it moving, man, just do! Whatever it is just do!

SM:
And it’s ok if it’s not right.

[TR in conversation with SM:]

Right!

SM:
The idea now isn’t to strive for perfection. It’s just do the best I can with what I have.

TR:

Although she’s never started a business before,
Steph has worked in different businesses and corporations.

She made use of her technical experience and setup the blog and e-commerce sites herself.
Yet she realizes, she doesn’t have to do it all alone.

That can be really good advice for anyone.

Since we’re talking advice…

[TR in conversation with SM:]
Give some fashion advice for the summer. (Laughs!)

SM:
White is always in – that’s my favorite color for the summer. Everybody who knows me knows I love black. Even in the summer I love wearing black, but this year I have one pair of white jeans so I can wear that at least one time a week… I love them. Strappy shoes sandals. I’ve been seeing a lot of velvet. Like velvet handbags, velvet shoes. And thy’re for summer which is kind of interesting because I’ve always thought of velvet as sort of a winter time type material.
I like trends, I follow trends but I’m not really into trends I am more about styles.

TR:

Listening to Steph’s experience building Bold Blind Beauty & Abigail Style
you can pick up some valuable lessons applicable to more than just business.

Choosing to accept a request to volunteer time and participate in a presentation on
the subject of fashion and beauty care for women with vision loss
directly led to the development of Bold Blind Beauty and the business component.

Her passion for the subject inspired her to really pursue the opportunity.
She put in time to do the research and then all that came after.

She made mistakes. So what? She persisted!
Through that she learned that pursuing her own goals can create a circular flow of goodness.
She inspired others and that flowed right back to her when she needed it the most.

many of us sit on our dreams and never really work towards realizing them.

It doesn’t have to involve starting a business.
Maybe it’s pursuing a new career, hobby or relationship.

Whatever it is…

SM:

I think the moral is to go with your heart, but don’t stop. Just keep going. Just adjust as you need to. You’ll figure it out.

TR:
Not everything is easy to figure out.

Fortunately, Subscribing to this here podcast is simple… even I can do it!
We’re on Apple Podcast, Google Play, Stitcher, Tune In Radio, Sound Cloud.

And for the final word…

SM:
the website is Boldblindbeauty.com

It’s about walking boldly with confidence, transcending barriers changing the way we perceive one another.

[TR in conversation with SM:]

That sounds like a good way to finish it off right there Steph.

SM:
giggles!

[Audio: Reid MY Mind Outro]

TR:
Peace!

Hide the transcript


Disclaimer: The white cane icon “Abigail B. (Abby)” is copyrighted and was specifically created for, and is the property of, Bold Blind Beauty and Abigail Style, LLC and is not a replacement for the nationally recognized white cane icon.
Abigail (Abby) and her backstory are a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Reid My Mind Radio – A Captain & Her Guide Dog

Wednesday, May 10th, 2017

Yes, guide dogs are cute! They are gentle animals that are trained to help those who are blind or visually impaired travel. Some know they shouldn’t pet these dogs while they are performing their jobs. Then again, some know but still act…
Liz and Bryce Krispy paired at Guide Dog School

In this episode we hear from Liz Oleksa who shares a story about an incident between her, her guide dog Bryce Krispy, a mother and daughter… what could go wrong?
Picture of Guide Dog Bryce Krispy wearing sunglasses!

We also hear from Dr. Andre Watson who shares some insight on this experience and the message it tells us about society and its perceptions of people with disabilities and other marginalized groups outside the dominant culture.

Plus, some great advice for anyone in need of checking your own self-identity after experiencing micro-aggressions. And it’s ok, don’t be scared to listen… I know I mentioned blind and disability, but really, there’s something here for everyone!!

Now, all aboard for another episode! Hit Play & then Subscribe to Reid My Mind Radio!

Transcript

Show the transcript

TR:
What’s good everybody! Welcome to another episode of Reid My Mind Radio!

I thought we could try going a little more in depth with one story.

generally, the stories on Reid My Mind Radio tend to have a positive spin. More than often, these stories and interviews revolve around the broad topic of adjusting to blindness.

Sometimes we need to hear about the problems, the reality.

And then discover the valuable lessons within.

That’s today, but first… you know how we do it

[Audio: Reid My Mind Theme…]


LO
I’m Liz Oleksa. and I live in Macungie with my son Logan who just turned 13 and my guide dog Bryce Krispy.

TR:
Macungie, Pennsylvania.

LO:
Yes Sir!

TR:
How long have you had Bryce Krispy?

LO:
May 21, of this year will be three years that Bryce and I have been together.

TR:
Is that his full name Bryce Krispy or did you put the Krispy?

LO:
Well at the school they called him Bryce Krispy, but on all his paper work it just says Bryce. So I use both. He likes when I call him Bryce Krispy his tail wags a lot faster. He really recognizes that as his name cause he knows he’s super sweet.

[Audio: Sound of rain and city sidewalk]

I was at a doctor’s appointment and I had just finished up . I had scheduled my pickup for 11:30 with my local transportation. It was raining so I waited outside but yet under the overhang. And I’m a people person so you know I hear somebody walking up I’ll say hi. This lady came up and I didn’t know it was a lady at first and I said “Hi how are you today?” She said Fine and there was a little girl; I am assuming it was a little girl with her. Around 5 six at most. She sounded kind of short so I am assuming she was younger. The little girl was really bubbly and they’re both talking and you know the cutie puppy talk; “Oh look at the god, look at the dog.” The little girl said, “We can’t touch the doggie, right? He’s a really pretty doggie, we can’t touch her?” I said, no you can’t touch him honey I’m sorry he’s working. The mom even said no you can’t touch the puppy, but he is really pretty. The girl said again, “We can’t touch the puppy.” And she’s starting to get a little I guess anxious? I said no honey I’m sorry you can’t touch him he’s working. As a handler if you distract him I could get hurt. Well now she starts yelling, “We can’t touch the puppy!” And the lady’s like “No honey we can’t touch the puppy.” And the girl yelled , I could hear her she was starting to jump around… “We can’t touch the puppy!” And I felt Bryce moving a little funny so I reached down and here the woman was petting the dog. Now she herself told her daughter don’t touch the dog, the daughter told her don’t touch the dog, I told her don’t touch the dog. So I said to the lady kind of calm at first but a little stern I said, ” Mam, please don’t touch the dog he’s working. Both your daughter and I and you just told you not to touch the dog. She goes, oh well its ok, I mean I just can’t help it look at his eyes. Now Bryce , I have been told has the most beautiful honey colored eyes. He’s a yellow lab and he has very very unique eyes, but I don’t care how cute his eyes are it’s still not ok. You know but she’s like, Oh itis ok I just can’t help myself. And I stopped and said Mam stop touching my dog. Now the little girl’s screaming she’s crying don’t touch the dog, don’t touch the dog. I’m getting frustrated so I reach down, just like I was taught at school, if somebody is touching your dog and you’ve kindly asked them you have permission to remove their hand from your dog because that do is an extension of you.

I reach down and I took her hand and I wasn’t rough but I took her hand and pushed it away.
She gasped when I took her hand off my dog She backed up and slapped me across the face and said you have some nerve to invade my personal space like that. I just stood there with my mouth kind of hanging open like “Are you serious right now?” And she said let’s go and she and her little girl went off either into the building or they left. I was too shocked at the time as to … oh my goodness you just slapped me across the face., but yet she was the one who invaded my personal space and my boundaries.

TR:
You heard correctly, slapped in the face!

With that in mind I wanted to examine this situation from a professional perspective.

AW:
Hi my name is Dr. Andre Watson. I’m a Clinical Psychologist in the Philadelphia area.

TR:
I had the opportunity to speak with Dr. Watson last year. We talked about some of his experiences growing up blind and the challenges he faced in attaining his doctorate in Psychology. If you haven’t heard that episode, I suggest you go back and give it a listen.

I asked Dr. Watson to unpack some of what took place in the incident you just heard from Liz as well as what he referred to as…
AW:
… what we have to deal with as blind people trying to make it in America.

[TR in conversation with AW]

Make it in the world cause hopefully people outside of America listen to this too. (Laughs!)

AW:

Absolutely!

Personally and professionally I hear about these kind of stories happening all the time with blind people whether it be with a guide dog or with a cane or with freedom. With he right to make a decision for you own self. And I think this was a clear case of disrespect and disregard for Liz as a person. A person with a brain, a person with choice. And so it really upset me to hear this story not because it’s not common, but because it is so common and so many people that are blind who are trying to live an independently life not only have to deal with some natural barriers to independence but also some of the social barriers to independence. SO Liz established like any dog owner, like any parent, you have established a boundary which you need to do, and so somebody else disregarded that . On one hand I would take it personally and on the other hand I wouldn’t. Because a lot of time people that do these kinds of things disregard a lot of people’s boundaries. This could have been a women who has been disrespected herself in her own life and now is doing that to other people. Bullying is a real issue and people that bully look for people that they see as being weaker and vulnerable. Ironically, people that do bully have been bullied. This is all about perception. Blind people being seen as vulnerable, being seen as less capable, less aware.

TR:
Being seen as vulnerable based on someone’s perception,
well no one can really be immune to these types of experiences. even those who can thoroughly recognize them for what they are.

I actually had a similar experience with my guide dog. I sat down on the bus. The dog is under the seat and the woman sitting to my right
tells me oh, the dog’s fine. And I’m thinking she’s saying the dog’s fine because the dog’s not intruding on her space. As I was checking my dog feeling her, make sure she was out of the way, but really what she was saying was she’s fine so that I can pet her. I reach up and I feel this woman’s hand on my dog and I say, oh excuse me please don’t pet my dog.

As much as I would like to think that people are fair and that they want not to take advantage of blindness or each other’s disability, that’s not the case.

People abuse children every day. People take advantage of people that they think they can get over on, all the time. And it might not be a willful planned activity, but it still happens

TR:
In case you’re unfamiliar with the issue when it specifically involves guide dogs and petting them…
That dog has been trained to work and concentrate on the task at hand while in that harness. The only instructions it should follow are from the handler. What may seem like harmless petting can lead to the dog becoming distracted and potentially not relaying important information or responding properly to the handler.

But it goes beyond guide dogs, beyond these specific incidents; as Dr. Watson explained, it’s about how we and others with disabilities are perceived.
Once again!

AW:
…what we have to deal with as blind people trying to make it in America.
How should we deal with these kinds of issues when they happen?
First what you don’t do is that you don’t stop going out. You don’t stop asserting yourself. That’s the hard part right there is to be resilient in the face of some of these obstacles. Secondly is to bring some awareness to these kinds of things to everyone that this is unacceptable. First of all petting the dog from the beginning was unacceptable.

TR:
In no way is this podcast about judging how Liz responded. She has the right to choose what is appropriate for her.

It just so happens, the steps Liz took, were right in line with what would be recommended for anyone in such a situation.

Let’s return to Liz still waiting for her local transportation company immediately after the incident.
And if you have ever waited for a para transit, you know how long that can take.

[And yes, shots fired! Para transit, step your game up!]

LO:
The bus is forty minutes late and I just stood there.

I wasn’t angry with the woman I was more disturbed by her lack of respect for my personal space and for the example she was selling her child. I can’t imagine if this is what I just went through asking her not to do something what the little girl must have to go through. My heart just went out to both of them for mainly the mother’s ignorance.

[TR in conversation with Liz]
Were you in shock?

LO:
I’m not going to lie, I actually had like a smirk on my face. Like Are you… serious, what really just happened here?

I was being friendly and said hello. My dog is doing his job. He’s sitting next to me not bothering anyone. Don’t they teach us in elementary school you hear the word stop or know you stop?

[TR in conversation with Liz]
has that changed you in any way?

LO:
I don’t want people to think that, don’t talk to me. Absolutely you know what, I want people to talk to me. Don’t talk to my dog though. You know talk to me, I’m the person. You have a question about my dog he’s not going to answer you so you don’t need to ask him.

“Oh are you taking good care of your mommy?”

I can answer your questions for you.

[TR in conversation with Liz:]
is that an actual thing that you hear?

LO:
oh my goodness yes!

When I leave places people are like “now you take good care of your mommy.”

“You show mommy how to get home!”

No, no I tell him how to get home. He just follows my commands.

There’s a time and a place for me to fight that battle too. If
I have the extra time I may start up a conversation with a person and be like Hey just so you know talk to me. It’s not about necessarily proving a point. Some people just don’t know!

The whole bus ride home I just was trying to wrap my mind around this. It took about an hour.

I made a post on Facebook about
it to kind of spread awareness. And I laughed at times. And after I posted it I cried. I wasn’t sad for myself I was really just sad for this woman and then I was like if I could see I probably would have slapped her back. But, then again that’s an afterthought and I don’t want to resort to. Ducking to her level?

I got quite a bit of negative feedback.

I had people telling me that my response to the situation was wrong and I should have contacted the police and file a police report

[TR in conversation with Liz]
Were these other guide dog users?

LO:
. Some of them were. Some of them were cane users. Some of them were sighted. I mean just people from all different aspects of my life

AW:
that’s called blaming the victim

TR:
Once again, Dr. Watson.

AW:
We do that a lot because something really terrible happens we can’t accept that it happened. It’s always easy to do Monday morning
quarterbacking and look back and say oh I would have been there so I would have done that. Who would expect to be slapped in the face by anybody? Nobody plans on that. You don’t know when that’s going to happen
[TR in conversation with Dr. Watson]
one of the reasons I wanted to call you Andre was because when we last spoke you mentioned something and I think you referred to it as the identity check. And it was these types of well I guess micro aggressions right that sometimes you have
AW:
yes

[TR in conversation with Dr. Watson]
You get them and then you have to kind of go back and talk to yourself in the mirror Bill yourself back up. What would you say that people who experience these types of things in terms of kind of checking their identity. What advice would you give?

AW:
Definitely you need to be. Talking to somebody who knows you. Who can validate who you are.

You can talk about how this one event doesn’t define you. Whether it’s interpreting it as being vulnerable or weak or being second class; because these little things like this can happen. Like you know that slow drip of micro aggressions can happen and slowly eat away at someone’s
confidence. It’s helpful to be able to be around people that understand you. It’s great to be in a community of other blind people that you can talk to and they can share maybe share some similar experiences. It’s also good to be and situations where you feel like you’re on equal footing with people.

This is not some kind of militant radical idea but it’s good to be with family. By that I mean it’s good to be around people who have shared experiences as you. you don’t have to worry about being slapped. You know have to worry about people petting your dog when they shouldn’t do that. In many ways you have to put on an armor
when you go out so that you can remember who you are but that’s very emotionally taxing. It wears on your mind, from your thoughts to how you think about yourself. How you think about other people. You become angry, bitter, hostile. You could doubt yourself emotionally. You could be down on yourself. In some cases people actually feel it in their bodies. So you’ve got headaches and backaches and if you’re like me you like to have an extra piece of cake.

[TR in conversation with Dr. Watson:]
Laughs!

AW:
It’s good to be aware of these things and how they can affect you. And you make sure that you’re not consumed by it.

I know I’ve heard lots of stories from sighted people. They always say
oh oh I met a blind guy he was just so mean to me or blind woman she was so mean to me. Well these are the things that happen; things that happen to Liz, they happen to me and to you. And then you do get callous. And so when somebody says hi can I pet your dog; No get away from me!

That’s because it’s worn on you.

I think it’s good to find places where you don’t have to worry about that. Where you can be replenished. Where you can get affirmed. You realize that blindness is a part of you. Just like it’s part of somebody being a man or a woman or black or white or Asian. It’s a part of who we are. We don’t have to see it as something negative

Really we’re living in a sighted world so it’s not our issue it’s the sighted world’s issue. And they are the ones that need help with getting it together.

[TR in conversation with Dr. Watson]

Can you talk a little bit more about that because a lot of people might feel like it’s the opposite because it’s like well no it’s your problem you’re the one who is blind. Why do I need to change, you’re gonna just have to deal with that.

AW:

Well that is a reality of it. I mean unfortunately we have to choose our battles so we do have to
be ready to adjust. But it’s not our fault. And we’re in a world that’s very narcissistic. People only see things and I specifically am saying the word see, people
only see things from their perspective. Sighted people only see things from their perspective and so this is not just an exercise in. Blindness versus sighted, but it’s just an exercise of us versus them or me and the other person. People really need to learn how to see things from other people’s perspective whether they be blind or deaf or wheel chair user or from another culture or from another country. I think we all have to share that responsibility but I think it’s
even more important for the dominant culture. To take some responsibility. It’s a pretty liberal perspective but I think the people in power, the people
within the dominant culture need to be able to consider how they’re going to integrate those who are in a subordinate role. Into our society. There are many many people who are very good at doing that. This is not an us against them, but there are some people that need to be informed.

so things are changing for our benefit but still there is so much more that needs to be done.

[TR in conversation with Dr. Watson]
Indeed! Cool! Very good Sir! And hopefully you just did a little more of that.

AW:
I’m glad you brought up this example because I really think it underscores a real issue within our society when it comes to independence and the kinds of obstacles that we
face as blind people. To the point where now it becomes and it could become an actual physical altercation and that’s not just talk about a slap in the face
I see some similar experiences as being out there all the time like when someone grabs me by the arm and decides that oh you’re going to come with me or they take my dogs harness and try to pull the dog where they think I should go. Or when I’m in a coffee shop and I finish putting some Splenda in my tea and somebody comes along and takes the packets without telling me and they put them in the trash.

I think it just begs for us to continue to make our voices heard. To let
people know that we want to be the captains of our own ship.

TR:
As for Liz, who by the way only lost her sight about 4 and a half years ago;
well she’s guiding her ship towards a Bachelor’s degree in Applied Psychology with a minor in Neuro Psychology.

She’s also currently serving as the President of her local Lehigh Valley chapter of the advocacy organization, the Pennsylvania Council of the Blind

She continues to spread awareness through her speaking engagements at local schools and nonprofits like the Boy & girl Scouts.

Big thanks to Liz for sharing her story.
And Dr. Watson for providing some expertise.

telling these types of stories can be really impactful especially to those who aren’t aware. But at the same time I know they can be of help to others adjusting. And Not just to blindness or disability.

Those unfamiliar with disability , tend to have a hard time seeing past their own stereotypes and immediately believe the material isn’t for them.

There could be some real gems, or useful information, included in a story that is applicable to anyone going through an adjustment, but that story is framed around the subject of blindness and well it’s no longer considered applicable.

Oh that’s not for me, that’s for those blind people. And feel free to change blind people to something else, black people, Muslims, women…

But like Dr. Watson said, we all need to do a better job at seeing the perspective of others. We have to stop thinking oh that’s a blind thing, that’s a black thing.

On that note, I’d like to invite you the listener… yes, I’m talking to you specifically…
I would love for you to check out another podcast I have the chance to work on. It’s for a site called TheReImage. The idea is that our stories as people with vision loss have the power to recreate the image and the perception that others have of what it means to live with vision loss.

The approach is to tell our stories from that perspective that unites us all… humanity. Despite what many may think, we have shared experiences.. People with vision loss have families, raise children, hold down jobs, have hobbies… you get the point.

The stories are told without focusing on the blindness but rather on the person. We call that person first storytelling.

There are two episodes up now and one actually features Dr. Watson. I think many of you would like the current episode as well….

Give it a listen and give us some feedback…
Go to TheReImage.net and look for the podcast link.

If you have any feedback on this podcast, please hit me at ReidMyMindradio@gmail.com.

I’m working on some future episodes so you should really go ahead and subscribe to the show. Then you don’t have to worry about remembering. I know that really keeps you up at night!

Anyway, time for me to get back to steering my ship!

Just call me El Capitan of Reid My Mind Radio!
All aboard!
[Audio: Ship Horn]
Peace!
———-

Hide the transcript

Reflecting

Wednesday, January 6th, 2016

On New Year’s Day I received word that my cousin John was transferred to hospice care the night before.

 

While people across the country and world were celebrating the opportunity and possibility that comes with every New Year, my cousins new bride began the transition to a widow much too early. John was laid to rest today after going home on January 2, 2016. He was only 51.

 

The death of a relative is the closest thing my extended family comes to having a reunion. The setting isn’t a family friendly hotel or resort, but rather a wake in a funeral home usually located in the Bronx or Harlem, NYC. We greet each other with hugs and kisses questions about our wellbeing and the status and age of our children.

 

Since my own second encounter with cancer and my resulting blindness, part of preparing to attend any public event is getting ready to deal with what I refer to as the “weirdness”. The “weirdness” can occur at any moment. The beholder of the “weirdness” can be male or female, young or old, friend, family or foe. The “weirdness” takes many forms. It’s the overly sympathetic sounding voice that some use to say hello and ask how I am doing. It can be the awkwardness that ensues when I inquire to the whereabouts of the rest room. I think some envision having to take on much more than either giving me directions or an elbow!

 

The “Weirdness” takes on many forms;

  • Ignorant comments disguised as compliments to me, my wife or children
  • Uncomfortable stares and murmurs
  • Feeling as though we’ve been segregated when we’re placed in a section of a room and ignored

 

For some relatives, just like some in the general public, my blindness is less about what I along with my wife and family are doing or have been able to accomplish and achieve, but rather a tangled spool of misperceptions and uninformed ideas. Hence, the need for preparation.

I’m happy to say that my personal growth and that of my entire family enables us to show up with smiles, conversations and if sought lots of value. We have been through very difficult times and as a family we pushed through and are all better individuals for that. Still, some can’t imagine that to even be possible.

 

With all my experiences I’m still a little shocked when I over hear comments in respect to my blindness and loss of my eyes that remind me that there are many who believe blindness is worse than death.

 

Twelve years ago when faced with the loss of my sight I knew it was my preferred outcome. I couldn’t fathom leaving my family. Fortunately, my cancer was contained in the eye and orbit and I survived. Apparently, there are many out there who are in need of a reality check…

 

My cousin John, I believe is no longer suffering from all the destruction cancer brought including the treatments. For someone with a strong personality like him, it was probably the other things that come with being labeled sick; people  treating you differently – questions about your health being the new greeting or maybe worse people no longer contacting you as though cancer were contagious.

It’s his wife, children, mom, sister, nephews and others who remain in pain.

 

Those who believe they would rather be dead than blind may not realize the selfishness along with the ignorance comprised in this statement.

“A man’s dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own. ~Thomas Mann

 

In the past twelve year’s I am so thankful for all that I have had the chance to experience…

The growth and the work that goes into improving my relationship with my wife!

We have experienced some really low times, but as I watch how she has handled our life changes and has become even a better person from all that we experienced. These things make our good times even better.

 

I watch both my daughters’ blossom into their own personalities

The incredible fun and joy I feel when my girls and I sit around the table after dinner talking sometimes serious conversations, but often just laughing and joking. I know they know their dad and the different sides to my personality

I had the chance to be there for my mother along with my sister as we helped her recover from her surgery.

I wouldn’t want to have to do that again, but I see the blessing in being able to be there.

 

These are just some of my life experiences over the past 12 years.

 

John’s nephew shared memories of how his uncle impacted his life. All of the memories were just really simple things that demonstrated him sharing his time and energy. While I believe he left this earth too early I do know John was able to experience many of the joys that life has to offer. Unfortunately his family has to deal with the feelings and thoughts that come with losing a loved one. My prayer is that they find strength in knowing he loved them and they him. I hope they can focus on the great times and memories they made together. Knowing that he isn’t suffering and would want them to live their lives and make more memories with him in their hearts.

 

RIP My Big Cuz John!

 

Blindness worse than death? Seems way too easy for me to ask who is really blind…but if the shoe fits…