Archive for the ‘Fatherhood’ Category

Let Me Hear You Say Black Lives Matter

Wednesday, June 17th, 2020

In gold lettering on top of a red, black & green background appears "Reid My Mind Radio."

the title says it all! It’s the place we have to start if we are really going to make change in this country & world. I’m talking about individuals as well as society. And included among that group are the blindness consumer advocacy organizations; ACB and NFB. While there are differences in the founding philosophies of each, at the core both of these groups strive for Blind people to have the same rights as our sighted peers. Do they really mean all Blind people? I want to believe they do, but I guess I’m going to need to hear them say it; Black Lives Matter!

I’m trying to remain optimistic but right now, it really takes a lot of effort to be hopeful. I was reminded of a story from the Reid My Mind Radio archive that in a way illustrates some of what needs to happen in order to really move forward.

Listen

Transcript

Show the transcript


Audio: Music… “Mission Start”

TR:

Welcome to or back to the podcast! My name is Thomas Reid and I’m the host and producer of Reid My Mind Radio – the podcast bringing you compelling people impacted by all degrees of blindness and disability. Sometimes I share experiences of my own as a man adjusting to becoming Blind as an adult.

today, well, it’s right there in the title. That is, the place we have to start if we are really going to make change. I’m talking about individuals, society and yes blindness & disability advocacy organizations.

If you’re part of the Reid My Mind Radio family, you know I’m pretty optimistic. It takes a lot of effort right now, but I’m trying y’all, trying to remain hopeful.
Audio: News commentator announcing global protests in London, Australia, Japan, Korea & Germany. All mixed with the chants of Black Lives matter!

TR:
That solidarity & declaration that I’m hearing from around the world, feels good, but I
need to hear it from voices much closer to home.

Audio: Montage of voices saying Black Lives matter. Each panned along the stereo spectrum.

TR:
Let’s go!

Audio: The final voice says;
“Yo, Black Lives matter!” The voice of Siri from the IPhone says” Send”

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Theme Music

Audio: Sounds of dinner table/kitchen conversation from the Reid family household.

TR:

Like a lot of families meals are a time to come together. Not only to prepare and enjoy the food but also to check in with one another.
In the Reid household, we established some rules years ago around what was acceptable during meals. Like we don’t answer phone calls, we don’t look at our devices but rather we stay in the moment while we are eating together.

Audio: News commentator on the killing of George Floyd and protests.

TR:

Unfortunately, no matter how much I would like the rule to be in effect, just while we’re eating, there are times we can’t really afford to keep them. The most recent murders of Ahmaud Aubrey and George Floyd, the protests and of course, the self-described nationalist in the White House have caused us to rescind the rules. Both of my kids need to discuss all of this.

Riana who will be 23 soon is extremely passionate when it comes to issues around social justice. She needs to be active and she’s figuring out the best ways for her to do that. For example, donating to protester bail funds, continuing to educate herself through reading and research and sharing resources with her network.

Raven is younger, more internal and is really figuring out how to articulate her thoughts. Her friend groups are very diverse and she recognizes the differences and really appreciates them. Recently, she had to deal with the outing of a classmate, one in particular which has garnered a lot of national attention. This young 17 year old made very public awful racist comments. Listen to the statement from a young girl from Generation Z. Some thought this would be the post racial generation free from racism. Notice how deliberately she shares her revelation.

If you are triggered by little racists using the N word, skip ahead about 34 seconds.

17 Year Old Racist:

So, I’ve been seeing this video going around about why Brown people should be able to say the N word. So I’m here to tell you why white people should be able to say the N word. Because we made it up and none of you guys would be able to say that word if my ancestors didn’t decide to call you Black people Niggers all the way back in those old days. And so what do you guys do to try and show your appreciation, for coming up with your best word to call your best friend Nigga as you pass each other in the hall? You do what all good Black people do, you stole it. So all I’m doing here is trying to take back what’s already ours.

Audio: Ambient music

TR:

If it was shocking to you because you never heard this sort of language, it’s time to acknowledge your privilege. It’s not a time to pat yourself on the back because you raised your children to be color blind. It’s not a time to feel the need to share how you cried when Dr. King was assassinated or even you know someone who is Black. That doesn’t work towards a solution which makes you part of the problem.

Not even the four walls of our comfortable home can keep my family protected from the reality of violence against Black men, women and children. Like trying to explain to my kids how Travon Martin’s murderer was not going to face prison. Michael Brown’s killer would just walk free.

Riana has goals of moving out on her own. Meanwhile Breonna Taylor a 26 year old Emergency Medical Technician gets shot 8 times in her own home by police after wrongfully busting in her house in search of a suspect already in custody.

Audio: Two young children saying “Black Lives Matter”

Raven right now is learning to drive and I have to think of Sandra Bland and the others who have ultimately have fatal encounters with police because their driving while Black.

A word of caution:
What you’re about to hear is an example of the trauma and fear associated with police brutality. If the threat of violence is triggering, please skip ahead about 2 minutes.

Audio: Woman passionately trying to help a young Black man while he is being surrounded by police. We find out her boyfriend was also killed by police. The audio ends with her sobbing for them to simply put their guns away while begging the young man not to move.

TR:

Y’all know this isn’t about my privileged dinner time, right?

for Black people, it’s not only the threat of violence and interactions with police, but not dealing with the feelings around these murders is like allowing a virus to infect our bodies. We can wash our hands regularly, sanitize every package that comes into our homes, eat organic food but how do we protect ourselves from feeling as though we don’t matter.

Audio: A woman saying Black Lives Matter.

TR:

Being totally Blind doesn’t stop the images of these horrible killings from being engrained in my mind. I don’t need to see video of Michael Brown’s body left on the street after being murdered, I don’t need to see Ahmaud Aubrey being shot down or this deranged so called officer kneeling on George Floyd’s neck to understand what that looks like. In fact, these images involuntarily flash in my mind without ever having seen them.

Recently I tweeted that I was waiting to hear a show of solidarity from the blindness organizations. I soon read one from NFB and then specifically questioned if ACB was going to show their support. They did. They also directed a tweet to me that they were waiting on a review before posting.

My response was that I was happy to see them done but the real statement will be seen in their actions like representation on their boards and leadership position and outreach.

Both statements were weak. In general, any solidarity statement at this point in time that does not include the simple phrase acknowledging that Black Lives Matter, it doesn’t have much weight in my opinion.

Audio: fire engine racing towards a burning building.

If a house was burning on a block of 10, should the fire department show equal attention to each house. Wouldn’t it be fair to first put the one fire out? Save the family in the house. Apparently some would prefer the fire department drive right past the burning house in order to make it clear that all the houses on the block are important. Meanwhile, do you all smell that smoke, the other homes on the block are beginning to burn.

Audio: Young man says Black Lives Matter

TR:

If a solidarity statement had to be generated by the Black or multi-cultural segment of the organization, it’s starting from the wrong place. Is that because some blind people like to think their blindness makes them immune to racism? Funny thing is most Blind people have had sight at some point. In fact, most Blind people aren’t even totally Blind. You’re not being honest with yourselves if you think racism doesn’t affect you. As if you don’t benefit from white supremacy.

Audio: Do Blind People See Race…

From Tommy Edison YouTube Channel:
“Martin Luther King always talked about don’t judge a man by he color of his skin but by the content of his character. And I have to be honest with you I think people like myself and other Blind people are the best at that because we don’t see the color of their skin.”

From YouTube, “Can Blind People See Race” Freedom is mine official.
“Can Blind people see race? Given that we identify a person’s race primarily by their appearance, what elements do the visually impaired use to perceive race. Several studies have been done into this area and the conclusion is definitely yes, visually impaired people can perceive race.”

TR:

History has shown when it comes to so called racial issues, America is all about weak statements.

America doesn’t want to examine their role. You know what, let me say that again to not sugar coat it …

Audio: Music…

TR:
White America doesn’t want to do the work to fix racial injustice.

I see the same right now from blindness organizations. Asking Black people to lead this effort isn’t the fix. Rather, once again for Black people, our dinner time with our families are being interrupted.

Why not start with a real self-evaluation. Have a conversation among the organization’s leadership and board about race. Whether personal but more specifically as it relates to the organization. Look back, how many members are even in the organization? How often does the leadership interact with them and what have those interactions been about? How often do we hear from Black people at our meetings and conferences. have we ever truly done any outreach or did we wait for those Black people in the organization to recruit others?

This is a problem that existed in this country for 400 years and won’t be fixed with one statement. it won’t be fixed in our lifetimes. It requires a lot of work that starts with honest self-examination.

To be clear, I think it’s time for these organizations to truly look at the intersections between disability and other identities. The majority of police brutality cases impact Black people with disabilities. Women with disabilities experience an overwhelming number of sexual attacks, LGBTQ and Trans communities have a significant population of people with disabilities. And Black Trans gender men & women need our support. Honestly, if you have a problem with that then you need to ask yourself if you’re really about justice.

All the organizations that are either of or for the blind want the same thing; independence, security opportunity for all Blind people. Who does this really include? For some, blindness skills training isn’t going to be enough to have an opportunity to reach that goal.

For me personally to believe these organizations and others are really about independence for all, I’m going to have to see them lead the way. That leadership needs to come from those in power right now.

I’m going to need to hear them simply say it; “Black Lives Matter”

Audio Montage of individuals saying “Black Lives Matter!” Concludes with all simultaneously saying it.

TR:

In producing this podcast, I’m always searching for the right mix of education, resource sharing and entertainment. As I usually believe our stories have more to offer outside of those adjusting to blindness, I recalled this travel story from the Reid My Mind Radio archive.

Audio from “Traveling Zen”

Audio: Biggie Story to tell

TR:
Just this past Thursday I was traveling to Mobile Alabama –
Yes, Mobile Alabama…
Why?
Well that’s not really for this discussion.

In fact, let’s go revisit the day…

Audio: Car pulling to curb

TR:

Exiting the chauffeur driven Suburban I’m met by one of the Allentown Airport staff responsible for
Assisting travelers through the airport. I refer to them as the Meet and greet staff.
Normally, I have to get to the check in counter in order to request this, but luck
Just had it a very nice gentlemen by the name of Tom was waiting on the curb for someone who needed assistance.

Audio: SoundOfAirport – Check-in/Security

Smoothly clearing the check in process and
Security, Tom informs me that my flight is delayed just as we reach the gate.
It was close to 12 PM. And my flight was originally scheduled to leave at 1 O’clock and
Arrive in Atlanta at 3 PM for a connecting flight To Mobile at 5:15 PM.

Ok, no worries a departure at 2 is fine, I’ll get to Atlanta by 4. No problem, even though Atlanta’s airport
Is huge, I’d still have time to make my flight. And I’d rather wait in Allentown airport which is way smaller and comfortable.

At 2 O’clock I’m told we’re now Departing at 2:30.
Now this is a potential problem! With a connecting flight at 5:15…
There’s a good chance I’ll miss my flight.

I go over to the ticket agent to see what I can do about this potential dilemma.
Rosita, the ticket agent schedules me for the later flight Which leaves Atlanta at 9:15,
In the event I missed the 5:15 flight.

Requiring the assistance of a meet and greet means I’m one of the last people off the flight. This Adds to the probability that I
May miss my connection. On the flip side, I’m one of the first on the plane!

I’m pretty relaxed already, but now I decide it’s time for me to go into a Zen state of mind. One thing about adjusting to blindness, it means
Becoming accustomed to waiting.

The ticket agent announces over the PA that it’s time to board.

I grab my coat, bag and cane and proceed to the counter. I board with one of the ticket agents.
I ask her if she could somehow call ahead and make sure a meet and greet is there
When we arrive so I can exit the plane quickly and make my connection. She takes my boarding pass and says she would do that.

Sitting in the window seat, I strike up a conversation with my seatmate when he arrives on board Delta Flight 5387. I tell him about
My connection issue. He seems to think I have a strong chance of making the flight.
We chat a little more, I put my headphones on, and open my Audible app to read my book. I’m good, I’m pretty relaxed and calm… I accept what I can’t control!

At around a little after 4, the pilot announces that we’re about to descend and
We’re scheduled to arrive on time 4:40. My seatmate, nudges me,
I think you’re gonna make it, he says. Knowing what I know about the wait for a meet and greet
I tell him, “Meh, we’ll see! I’ll still have to wait for assistance…”

At 4:45 we’re on the ground taxiing to the gateway
I take out my phone and check the Delta app to determine the status of my next flight. There’s significant bad weather so I’m hoping
My next flight would be slightly delayed. Nothing…
The pilot announces we’re going to terminal C gate 33. By 5 PM we’re still on the tar waiting to be directed into our new gate, D 33.
My seatmate is excitedly telling me I can make that flight.
“Just run out of here you can make it he says. I’m thinking did he not hear me when I said I need to wait for assistance.

I check the app again, it now says my next flight is boarding and scheduled to leave on time.
At gate D29. I tell my seatmate… Aww you can do it! He says as
he stands up to retrieve his bags from the overhead. I ask him to pass me my back pack and folded up cane.
Is this yours too, he asks
A folded up white cane, I ask… Yes! Now, He sounds confused… I think it sinks in…

My man, I say… do you think you can help me Get to d29… it has to be right near this gate.
I didn’t think it would be a bother, he wasn’t connecting to another flight. Yeah! He exclaims
I say to him… “get in front of me and let
Me hold onto your right elbow.” He complies…
I grab my bag and we take off.

Audio: Victory music

My seatmate now ripping through the narrow aisle. And my shoulders knocking into chairs and walls
He apologizes… Bro, I can take a hit let’s do this… turn it up. Yeah, he exclaims again now even more determined to accomplish his goal…
We zoom past the flight attendants who say something about An assistant… I don’t bother responding, no time for that
My seatmate and I are now a team and we’re on a mission.
“He’s my blocker “I think to myself and we’re gonna score this touch down…

We can do this, I hear him say as we rip past the ticket agent at gate 33… As we’re quickly and purposefully walking, in search of gate D29-
I hear my name. … Paging Mr. Reid, Thomas Reid… That’s me I tell him.
“He’s here, he’s here” yells my Blocker… He’s here, he’s here…says the ticket agent at D29 into a telephone…

We get to the podium at gate 29… Touchdown!!!

As if rehearsed, We do a two hand high five, chest bump, all While the ticket agent and bystanders applaud….

Ok, that would have been the movie version celebration.

Instead, the ticket agent asked for my boarding pass… I retrieve my boarding pass
Thank my team mate and I’m hurried onto my next flight.

I didn’t get his name or even had the chance to Shake his hand, but man I appreciated him.

Sitting on my final flight to Alabama considering how through that entire process
I felt quite comfortable and calm with just going with the flow. I thought about the first part of that very well known
Serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

This experience reinforces what I believe is the power of team work. I thought about how this pertains to lessons
for those adjusting to blindness or for that matter adjusting to any sort of change.

I’ve always been one to think of that very broad definition of independent as doing something by myself.

Could I have done this by myself… Some may quickly say no, others may argue yes with the right circumstance as in accessible information…
like a good indoor navigation app. But honestly,…,…., it was way more fun with a team!!

Audio Bumper bringing us back to the present.
Audio: Music starts…

TR:

My seat mate and ultimately my team mate for a few minutes at least, was as far as I can tell a white guy. We worked together. I was in a position where I needed him to be out in front if I wanted to make my flight. It wasn’t my only option, but missing that flight would have meant a really long and possibly very uncomfortable delay. Not for him, but rather, just me.

Reid My Mind Radio will be back on August 4th. I have some really good episodes planned for the second half of the year but right now, I need to do a little recharging. If you’re new to the podcast, feel free to check out the archive. We have over 100 episodes and they don’t expire.

You can get that just by subscribing to Reid My Mind Radio wherever you get your podcasts. None of my stuff is behind a pay wall because I really do want it to be an accessible resource for those adjusting to blindness.
Transcripts, resources and more are over at ReidMyMind.com. And yes, that’s R to the E I D (Audio: “D, and that’s me in the place to be!” Slick Rick)

Like my last name

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Outro

Peace! And I really mean that!
Audio: Headphones dropping on table.

Hide the transcript

A Peak at Finding A New Normal

Wednesday, May 20th, 2020

Today, everyone is talking about a new normal. Those adjusting to blindness or disability in general, have a lot of experience in this way of thinking.

Thomas & Marlett seated under a green tree with a blue sky and scattered white clouds hovering above.
As disability impacts the entire family unit or team, I invited my wife Marlett on the podcast to discuss the topic. The result? Advice on managing those inevitable uncomfortable public encounters, accepting change and even how Tick Tock can help during this pandemic. Well, sort of…

Our discussion is actually a sneak peak into an upcoming episode with Dr. Mona Minkara and her production team from Planes Trains & Canes.

Take a listen to this episode and then check out the documentary series before you meet them all here on the podcast.

Listen

Transcript

Show the transcript

Audio: Sounds of microphones being touched…

Marlett:

I am not touching the microphone or the stand.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Do you see me touching the microphone?

(Long Pause)

And I’m a professional! (Laughs…)

Marlett:

You heard my feet.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What?

Marlett:

you heard my feet, I did this…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh, don’t do that.

Marlett:

Ok!

TR:

What’s up Reid My Mind Radio Family! My name is Thomas Reid. I’m the producer and host of this podcast, bringing you compelling people impacted by all degrees of vision loss from low vision to total blindness.

Every now and then, when inspired, I bring you stories from my own experience as a man adjusting to becoming Blind as an adult.

If you are newly impacted by blindness and you found the podcast, first of all welcome. Secondly, I think you’re going to like it here.

Today’s episode does include my wife Marlett. Ever since the last episode titled Celebrating 15 years of being Blind, I received some feedback from people who enjoyed hearing from her. I made the mistake of letting her know that. As you’ll see here today, it may have went to her head.
Despite that, I asked her on because, well, I’m a great husband.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Intro

TR:

Let me start this off with a warm virtual hug for you all. It feels like every day the idea of normal is pushed further and further. What we would have expected and accepted seems to be a continuous slide in the wrong direction. Specifically,
putting kids in cages, the death of 80 thousand people in two months or racists shooting an innocent young Black man.

Our responsibility, is not to accept it. not to simply act like it is normal.

On this podcast, I don’t often go into politics or current affairs except when I feel it relates to the process of adjusting to blindness. These connections are from my perspective. It’s called Reid My Mind Radio after all.

So when is a good time to accept a new normal?

Right now, just about everyone on this planet is dealing with a new normal. Although we’re all experiencing this pandemic differently, we’re doing it together.

There’s a similar feeling around acquiring a Disability. Now, I’m referring to all of those impacted; parent, child or spouse for example.

Similar feelings but there are some real differences between what is being felt during the pandemic and the experience of disability. For one, the entire world isn’t analyzing it on every news channel. There aren’t easy ways to gain multiple perspectives. It’s more likely something the family goes through alone. Hopefully it’s a real opportunity for that family to become a unit a real team.

I’m on this journey with you so I get it. And so does my wife, Marlett. I invited her on the show to get that team perspective from someone impacted by blindness.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What I noticed from the last time is that if I ask you to introduce yourself you have a big production necessary for the intro and I don’t think I’m going to do that this time. Laughing…

Marlett:

Ok!

Audio: Intro from Celebrating …

Audio: “The Baddest Chick”, Trina

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Can you please just state your name for the record?

Marlett:
Marlett Reid

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And who are you?

Marlett:
I’m the baddest chick!

Audio: As the music gets louder …

Marlett:
I’m your wife!

The music continues.

Now back in the present.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… You want to introduce yourself anyway?

Marlett:

My name is Marlett Reid, currently writing a book so it’s going to be M.E. Reid.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Laughing… you’re here to promote your book? Laughing…

Marlett:

Laughing…

TR:

Ok, when my wife does publish her book, I’m not only buying a bunch for the RMM Radio family, but she’s definitely coming on the podcast. And that I tell you right now, will be the best episode I ever produce!

It’s not always the case, but Marlett and I shared some perspective around this idea of finding the new normal.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

When your life is uprooted because that’s what everybody kind of is really saying…

Marlett:

Right, right.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And then now you have to start to see what is going to be the new normal. And I’m saying that we’ve …

Marlett:

Yeh, we’ve been there.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

The difference to me is that while we were doing that everyone was still living their normal. It felt like we were the only ones doing that because it was just impacting us and our family. Do you see any parallels between what we’ve been through and what’s going on right now?

Marlett:

Nothing new to us. Trying to figure out what to do coming up with new ideas of entertaining the family. Picnics in the living room or family night movies.

Social distancing, that’s funny to me because no one really came around We understood about social distancing people were doing that to us for quite some time. Distancing themselves from us.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Damn!

Marlett:

Well it’s true.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Mm Hmm… (In agreement)

Marlett:

They were distancing themselves. If we went to a party they did social distancing there too.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughs…

Marlett:

We would be in a corner or we’d be in one side and they’d be on another side. They just didn’t have a mask.

TR:

At least not one that was visible.

Audio: Plane taking off…

At the time of this conversation, I was in the process of producing what will be the next episode of the podcast featuring Mona Minkara and her Planes Trains and Canes production team.

The documentary series which can be found on YouTube follows Mona who is Blind, on a journey to 5 different cities around the world where she travels alone using public transportation.

I’m encouraging you to check out the series which I’ll link to on ReidMyMind.com.

I was curious to see what if any parallels Marlett would draw after an explanation of the documentary’s concept.

That is the resulting encounters a Blind woman receives as she’s recorded on video while traveling through an airport or subway.

Marlett’s perspective wasn’t what I expected, but it’s definitely understandable how she got there.
Marlett:

It made me think of African Americans, really. When they try to navigate or go through life, how people treat them.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Them? Are you Black?

Marlett:

How people treat us!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughs…

Marlett:

Walking into a bank or walking into a store or walking in a neighborhood.

Audio: YouTube…

“No Justice No Peace!” (Repeats while clips from a news reporter plays…)

“Arrests in the shooting death of a jogger in a Brunswick neighborhood for killing Amaud Aubry. The charges; murder and aggravated assault”

TR:

Perspective matters!

This conversation was on the heels of this latest senseless racist murder of Amaud Aubrey.

(Pause)

When it comes to adjusting to blindness, Marlett and my family are O.G’s in this game!

Marlett:

We have our thing down. We already know what’s going on like I know people talk to me instead of you and I know how I handle that.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Alright so give me an example of that.

Marlett:

If we go, anywhere you have to do something, they’ll talk to me.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

If somebody asked you for an example of that, is there any specific one that you would give. I’m curious to see if it’s the same one.

Marlett:

We went to go vote.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh my gosh!

Marlett:

The woman said you can bring him over here or something, you can correct me if I’m wrong but something to that affect. You spoke up. You said whatever it is that you wanted to say.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I don’t know if I said something or whatever? I probably said something…

Like oh you could talk to me. That’s probably what I said. So it wasn’t until after I got out …

Marlett:

And she said, I shouldn’t have done that. I liked her apology and it was to you. I don’t think she ever did that again.
[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

You’re right so we’re good. Like we’re real good. Like I say hello she says hello and it’s cool. It’s all good. That was a nice interaction because it came out where she got it like immediately.
Do you remember the first time. You might have not noticed it even happened the first time.

Marlett:

Maybe like the first time it happened I didn’t really think about it. Maybe about the third or fourth time I probably thought about it more. I think you and I spoke about it. You knew it was taking place and so you would just speak up real quick but then I think after we talked about it and I was like well I’m not going to say anything , you can just take your time in answering not just jump in there.

TR:

Y’all hear my wife’s way of trying to tell me to chill. That’s cute right! I know it’s because she doesn’t want me to be upset, but ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.

I know I shouldn’t take things personally, but having someone talk around me while I’m standing right there? Remember, I said there are things we should never accept as normal, this is one of them. My recommendation?

Marlett:

You would speak on it or be vocal about how it made you feel, but not like it caused tension between us.

I never answer for you. I won’t answer for you. I will walk away or I’ll turn and look at you for you to respond or I will look at my phone.

TR:

Marlett is so great with these situations now that Every time this happens , I almost feel sorry for the perpetrator. I can feel their confusion. If I am feeling let’s just say a bit feisty, I’ll let them hold onto their confusion and embarrassment for a little while. You brought it out, you hold it! It works, they get it.

It’s a cool play that Marlett and I execute well together.

Marlett:
We still have hiccups.

In the beginning it was a lot of hiccups there because you were used to taking the bags and just going. Boom!

What works best for us when we travel is if we discuss it beforehand. When we freestyle we generally tend to have some hiccups.

TR:

Now first of all did you notice how Marlett made it sound like I was the cause – as in, you were used to taking the bags and going.

Marlett:

Boom!

TR:

She’s right! But truthfully we were both used to that.

She’s also right in the need for us to all be on the same page. Communicate the plan before trying to execute.

On this team, we each have to play our role at any given time.

Our roster includes two more players – our girls.

Marlett:

When they were little that was a little harder. Usually they walked in front of us Riana would hold her sister’s hand and they would walk in front of us. Sometimes behind us and I would glance back occasionally just to make sure they were still with us.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I remember that was a thing because I would always ask you where the girls? (_Laughs…)

Marlett:

Yeh!

TR:

They’re 16 & 22 now. Amazingly, Marlett is still hovering around 32.

Traveling with them today?

Marlett:

The girls leave us!

They’ll make sure that we don’t have anything to hold us up. All we have to do is to get where we have to go. They’re more intoned to what works to get us to where we need to go. Like when we went on the cruise, they took the bags.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I had a bag.

Marlett:

You wouldn’t give up your bag.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I know, yeh, I’m not giving up my bag.

Marlett:

You’re not going to give up your bag that easily. You still got that machismo.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh, wait we’re gonna go there? You think that’s machismo? That’s alright, I don’t have to go into that because you’re wrong and I don’t want them to be all like oh my goodness Marlett we don’t like her anymore.

Marlett:

Some weird laugh that basically translates to whatever! Ok!

TR:

Ok, despite my lovely wife’s incorrect assessment that I have even an ounce of machismo, her lessons here can be helpful no matter who makes up your team.

For example, producing Planes Trains and Canes requires a real team effort. You can hear all about that in the next episode of this podcast.

Before that episode drops on June 2, go check out Planes Trains & Canes. It’s not necessarily a pre-requisite but we do dance around some specific scenes from the documentary series.

I’m also curious to see if we see similar parallels between the show and adjusting to blindness.

Marlett:

I feel like if you’re traveling with someone who is Blind , you two should have a conversation. What makes each one comfortable?

In the beginning when this all happened I was I think in my feelings. I don’t think I really thought about you or me but more so how everybody else was looking at us. Once I got over that part, which I’m not fully over it, but for the most part I am; we work better!

TR:

Adjusting to blindness is not really a place you arrive but rather an ongoing journey. You either decide to take it or find yourself well not really going anywhere.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What would you say goes into being able to accept a new normal?

Marlett:

Understanding you can’t change anything so you got to make it work for you. You know the pandemic came around, there’s nothing we can do about it, there’s no cure. The only thing at this point is you got to stay away from people so that is going to be our new normal. Handle it! Things always change that’s life. Nothing ever stays the same, you got to change with the times.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

… That’s real talk!

It doesn’t sound like you’re very compassionate about it . Like I thought you might be a little more compassionate.

Marlett:

I am being compassionate. I’m telling you the truth. I’m trying to get you to get over it quickly. Pull off the Band-Aid. It is what it is. I could hold your hand and we can go through it but…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

See I don’t understand why you can do that but when I do that you’re like (mockingly) Tommy! (Laughs) ]

I’m just going to put this out there because I try to tell everyone I’m the compassionate one in the family.

Marlett:

Exhales… Uh Lord!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And I think I just got proof of that. It’s definitely evidence.

Marlett:

I realized one thing about this pandemic, this whole thing with the Tick Tock.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh God! Laughing…

Marlett:

But wait a minute. This whole thing with the Tick Tock!
[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Hold up, hold up, hold up! I don’t know if everybody knows Tick Tock.

Marlett:

Well Tick Tock is this app where the older generations are dominating this app. I think a lot of people know about Tick Tock. But the great thing about Tick Tock is that…

Audio: Marlett continues with volume lowered….

TR:

Reid My Mind Radio Family, I need your help. I think my wife has an addiction to Tick Tock. If you don’t know, it’s a pretty popular app now that was pre-pandemic considered for the kids. It enables quick short videos often consisting of lip singing or short dance routines.

I’m going to spare you as she tries to rationalize her obsession with claims of this app building bridges.

I’m not saying it’s not true, because honestly, I don’t really use the app. the majority of the content that I’ve come across is predominantly visual and audio description is not an option.

Even the killer content I made with my youngest Raven, a highly sophisticated and intricate dance routine, had no way of including description.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Yo whose the Tick Tock Killa?

Marlett:

That would be you Thomas. (Said very sarcastically!)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

That’s me, the Tick Tock Killa!

I think you only like Tick Tock because you like to say Tick Tock. I think that’s why this app is actually doing so well because people like to say Tick Tock.

Marlett:

Tick, Tock!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I should have named my podcast Tick Tock and I probably have a whole lot more people listening and subscribing, you know what I’m saying?

Marlett:

I don’t know maybe you’re right. I do like Tick Tock. Yeah!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I ask people to subscribe…

Marlett:

It’s the way you ask people… (she fades her own voice out)

It’s the way you do it! You have to ask…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Wait up, first of all how do I do it? That it’s the way I do it.

Marlett:

I don’t know how you do it, but it’s not the right way. I’m just saying it’s probably not the right way.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

How can you say it’s the wrong way. Oh my God! (Laughing hysterically)

Marlett:

So I’m going to ask everybody to subscribe. And leave me a little heart emoji or a smile or say hi Marlett. (Spelled out)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Where are they going to do that?

Marlett:

At ReidMyMind.
my content

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Dot com you’re talking about? You want them to subscribe and leave a comment on the episode page?

Marlett:

Yeh!… Yeh!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Now I’m gonna tell you right now…

Marlett:

Yeh! I would like everybody to say hi. I would love it. I feel that energy it would just make me so happy. Just, just tell me hi!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Long pause…

Do you know how many times I ask people to subscribe, to reach out?

Marlett:

And Subscribe…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I give the phone number. I get some people, but you think you’re going to get…. (Laughs…)

Marlett:

What’s so funny?

My energy and their energy. They’re feeling my energy and they’re going to go and subscribe and they’re going to say hi Marlett.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

So what’s the matter with my energy?

Marlett:

Hi Marlett. (Name spelled out)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What’s the matter with my energy?

Marlett:

And I’m going to say hi right back. And I’m going to send emoji’s and everything. Yeh!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Ok!

Marlett:

Cause I have an awesome energy.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Ok, I hope you’re right

Marlett:

I’m right!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Exhale….

Marlett:

I’m right!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

On the real, I’d be jealous. I’m not going to lie. I’d be a little jealous. I’m not going to hate though. I don’t think they’re going to do it anyway.

Marlett:

Laughing… Alright!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Cause I know you’re only doing this because you lost the Tick Tock battle, because you never did it because I won the Tick Tock battle.

Marlett:

Exhales….

I didn’t do the Tick Tock because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I killed that joint! If I have an audio described Tick Tock, Bee, I’m killing the game! Put some audio description on my Tick Tock, and then everybody be like Yo! Tick Tock Killa, T.Reid… Tick tock Killa!

Marlett:

You know, speaking of audio description…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Alright, thank you babe!

you’re trying to take over the podcast now I can tell.

Marlett:

I’m not done.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Excuse me!

Marlett:

I’m not done.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… what? Laughing…

Marlett:

Why are you trying to kick me off . You know what it is right?

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What?

Marlett:

He’s jealous. (Long pause)

Because the shows I’m on do so well. Mm hmm. Because I’m on it.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughs…

Marlett:

It’s that energy.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing…
The energy that’s going to get people to do what?

Marlett:

They’re going to go and they’re going to subscribe

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Umm hmm And how are you going to know they did that?

Marlett:

Because they’re going to leave me a little note and it’s going to say Hi Marlett! (Named spelled out again)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

You know you got that spelling thing from me right?

Marlett:

I think you got it from me. Yep!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing…

Marlett:

So make sure you go, Reid My Mind Radio!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Where can they go to subscribe?

Marlett:

Anywhere that has podcasts.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And then what’s the website?

Marlett:

ReidMyMind.com

R to the E I D

(Audio: “D and that’s me in the place to be!” Slick Rick)

Marlett:

Like MY last name!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… That was good!

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Outro

Marlett:

Peace

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… There it is. alright, Nice!

You’re trying to get your own podcast. Whatever Bee. I didn’t press record.

Marlett:

That’s not even funny!

Hide the transcript

The 2019 Rap Up… Yes, Rap Up!

Wednesday, December 18th, 2019

A brief update about what’s been going on with the podcast as well as some thoughts on the future. I’d really appreciate feedback!

I was inspired to take a look back at this year’s episodes and create an “original” production I’m calling the RMM Radio 2019 Rap Up. It features my daughter Raven Reid along with yours truly spittin’ that fire!

Shout out to DJ Pain 1 for this free beat on YouTube that just inspired the hook!

“It’s 2019|And it’s the end of the year| Here’s some episodes, that you should really hear| 2020’s on the way| We don’t have long to go| Do the right thing, subscribe| Reid My Mind Radio”

Happy Holidays!

Listen

The 2019 Rap Up Video

Ok, maybe I was just having way too much fun… I decided to make a video of the Rap Up song.

The video simply contains mainly still images of those episodes featured in the song. Since it features my baby girl Raven, I decided to take some footage from a video of her when she was much younger, maybe 3 or 4 years old!

Transcript

Show the transcript

TR:
Happy Holidays Family!

Ok, so this is the actual last episode of the year. Although I consider these sort of extra. To me the real nourishment, the value are the people you meet every two weeks. Those are the people you should know. Me, I’m just the guy who enjoys bringing them to you.

Oh, if you’re new here, please be sure to check out the meat and potatoes, those other episodes I referred to. And allow me to introduce myself to you I’m Thomas Reid host producer and the extra garnishment on the plate and I guess I’m the Chef who serves it all up! I’m also the pro at running the heck out of a metaphor.

Audio: Reid My Mind Theme Music

TR:

In 2018, I started thinking about taking this podcast to what I considered a next step. That’s moving from a passion project, aka a total personal expense to a sustainable venture; at the very least having the expenses covered.

At the most, I’d expand the podcast in scope and frequency. That would include multiple producers and other talent. Specifically, blind or low vision producers and those with disabilities.

That shot was with the Google PRX Podcast Creators Program.

When Google announced they were getting into the podcast business, they also decided to team up with PRX, the Public Radio Exchange to help find and train podcasters that were creating for diverse or marginalized communities.

I figured, I meet these qualifications! I applied.

I made it to the semifinals but ended up not making it all the way. I was encouraged to try again during the second round of the program this year. I did.

Out of something like 10,000 entries, I’m happy to report that Reid My Mind Radio made it to the finals. We didn’t win, but we sure enough didn’t lose!

The PRX team invited two other runner up teams and myself to join the 6 winning teams in Boston for a podcast training boot camp. It was very cool. I met some great podcasters from around the world including Brazil, Columbia, India, Lebanon and Spain. And then some much closer including the only winning team from the US in New York/New Jersey and the other two runner ups from Boston and Oakland.

A big shout out to all of the teams including the PRX training team. It was cool to be among other podcast creators.

Audio: “What’s Your Name?”

One of the things that I’ve been thinking about is the name of this podcast. I know it doesn’t exactly communicate the goal of the show. Obviously, there are better names that I could come up with that would make for better Search Engine Optimization especially for those searching Apple Podcast based on a topic like; adjusting to Blindness or disability.

On the last day of the Google PRX Podcast Creators Program Training Boot Camp, each team had to present their show to a panel of podcast industry experts.

Audio: Mark Intro…RMMRadio

That was my intro, you know I got hype right?

Anyway, some of the feedback I expected was around the name. A lot of people actually were interested in hearing more about the personal experiences. That’s something I’ve been told on several occasions, but have resisted for various reasons.

If I do eventually decide to re-brand what we do here, I will definitely keep Reid My Mind Radio and maybe start to share more of my personal experiences and maybe comment more about blindness and disability related events and issues.

What do you think about me changing the name of the show going forward? Maybe re-branding and repurposing Reid My Mind Radio?

let me know if you would be interested in listening to this type of thing. ReidMyMindRadio@gmail.com or 570.798.7343.

All in all, it was a good year for the podcast.

This is where I should insert flashbacks from this year’s episodes. You know a wrap up.

Then, as I was sleeping I had a thought or maybe it was a dream. Maybe

Audio: Dream harp

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio 2019 Rap Up

Music begins…

TR Talking:

So I figured this year 2019 we should do like a wrap up. It’s Christmas time right? Well not a wrap. Really it’s an rap.

“Coo Caw” Bird wings flapping…

I did bring somebody to help me out. Close out the year, you know, in a special way

Music Crescendo….

My baby girl, Raven Reid, get ’em, hah!

Chorus Raven Reid sings…
It’s Twenty Nineteen
And it’s the end of the year
Here’s some episodes
that you should really hear
2020’s on the way
We don’t have long to go
Do the right thing, Subscribe
Reid My Mind Radio

Verse – TR:
First ep in 2019, I was talking opportunity
Just feeling positive for you and me
Next was the first of more to come
The topic, Audio Description ,
“Read by Roy Samuelson” (Audio from Audio Description)

Episode 3 was right on time
Yes, celebrating 15 years of being blind

Black Disabled History was episode 4
Straight from Krip Hop called my man Leroy Moore
(Audio: Leroy Moore says “Krip Hop!)

Now William Greer, he was referred to me
He’s from the film fest, cinema touching disability

Access is Art, you should know what I mean
If not check Episode 6 with my friend Cheryl Green
(Audio: Cheryl says, “It’s about equity!”)

Shout out Alice Wong amplifying
(Audio: Alice says “Disabled voices of color”)
That’s why Disability Visibility.com is like no other

We say Representation matters, they say what’s the fuss
I’ll remember in the dark, hashtag LetUsPlayUs?

Chorus Raven Reid sings…
It’s Twenty Nineteen
And it’s the end of the year
Here’s some episodes
that you should really hear
2020’s on the way
We don’t have long to go
Do the right thing, Subscribe
Reid My Mind Radio

Verse 2 – TR:
Day Al Mohammed produced and directed the Invalid Corps
She does policy, writes books and a whole lot more
(Audio: Day says: “Invalid Corps”)
Elizabeth Sammons is an author touring the country in an RV
At least that’s where she was when she spoke with me!

I Always rep the BX, New York City
Shout out to Prince Bri, Power Not Pity
(Audio: Power not Pity opening music…)
Is there room for the blind on the AD scene
Ask blind consultant, her name’s Colleen

Audio Description there’s more to the game
like describing Sports, Conferences, right Kat Germaine
(Audio: Kat Germain says “Yes”)
Next 3 eps feature the spark event
Sue talked about it and she’ll be back again!
(Audio: Sue says” We’ll sit down for another one”)
Mom and author Kristin Smedley was there live
She says It’s not just her kids but we can all thrive.

She started Captivating, Bold Blind Beauty Oh Boy!
Third time on the podcast, what’s up Steph McCoy
(Audio: Steph laughs…)
Chorus:

TR: “Take it to the bridge”

Bridge Raven Reid Spoken Word…

Since 2014 when this podcast was kicked off
It was geared to anyone feeling vision loss

See, those newly adjusting, it’s their own abilities they question
Reid My Mind Radio is changing perceptions

If you haven’t done so yet, hurry, act fast
Subscribe at ReidMyMind.com or wherever you get podcasts!

Make sure you spell Reid, R E I D
The podcast making blindness funky!

Verse 3:

Question, are Leaders made or are they born
The answer comes from AFB’s Megan Aragon

Landing your dream job is more strategy than luck
Coach Nancy gives some game plus she gives a duck
(Audio: “Quack, Quack”)

Audio description & physically integrated dance
Alice Sheppard, Laurel Lawson, Audimance

Man, this year flew by, like 1 2 3
Closing it out, my Bro Joe Strechay,
(Audio: Apple TV Plus)
See!

TR: “Daddy Daughter let’s go!”

Chorus – Raven Reid & T.Reid: (Repeats)
It’s Twenty Nineteen
And it’s the end of the year
Here’s some episodes
that you should really hear
2020’s on the way
We don’t have long to go
Do the right thing, Subscribe
Reid My Mind Radio

TR:
That was fun!

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanza Happy Three Kings Day whatever you celebrate or don’t.

All the best to you, Reid My Mind Radio Family from the entire Reid family.

And of course, so there’s no confusion, that’s R to the E I D, like my last name!

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio outro

Peace

Hide the transcript


The 2019 Rap Up… Yes, Rap Up!

The No Show Show

Wednesday, June 5th, 2019

While I’m publishing an audio file I don’t consider this an official episode of Reid My Mind Radio.

I’ve been pretty busy with life but I’ll be back in two… In the meantime, a congratulations to my daughter and I’d love for you to go on over to the Disability Visibility Podcast as it’s all about podcasting and yours truly is a guest.

Feel free to check out what’s close to 100 episodes available in the archive.

Listen

Transcript

Show the transcript

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Intro
TR:

What’s up Reid My Mind Radio Family.

Starting the show with my intro music off the jump, wow, I haven’t done that for a while.

Well, this isn’t a regular episode. I’ll explain that in a second.

First, I want to say hello to anyone new here.
Hello there! My name is T. Reid

I’m the host of this podcast where I bring you compelling people impacted by blindness, low vision and in general disability.
]

Every now and then I include stories from my own experience as someone adjusting to becoming Blind as an adult.

In most cases I pair words with music and sound design to hopefully help with the goal of making the listener challenge their own view of what being blind looks and sounds like.

Have you ever experienced times in life where you felt super aware? Like you know you’re currently in the midst of experiencing a life change.

I’ve been feeling like that for a while now and not sure exactly why. The only thing that I can identify is my baby girl Riana graduated from college yawl! Now of course that’s a big deal. She’s getting ready to go out in the world and do her thing. It’s really hard to believe that. It was just the other day when she was traveling on my shoulders. She loved it there. She would even fall asleep sitting there with her head resting on top of mine. I’d realize she was asleep when her drool would slide down my bald head into my ear. Sounds gross but I thought it was so cute. That’s love yawl.

Now she’s getting ready to do her thing and that could literally take her anywhere in the world. I’m so proud of my baby. And yes, she’s always Daddy’s baby and there’s still a place for her on my shoulders. Metaphorically of course. I don’t want another backiotomy!

Audio: Riana Reid being called during her graduation ceremony.

TR:

I guess the other feelings of change in the air are not as easy to pinpoint. I’m sure some have to do with career change and figuring out where I’m going. I’m working on several things right now but nothing really ready for publication.

I’ll be back with a real episode as scheduled but in the meantime please go on over to the Disability Visibility Podcast which features an episode about podcasting and yes, yours truly is one of the guests. In fact, if you listen to that you’ll get a sneak peek into the next Reid My Mind Radio episode.

If this is your first time here please go back and check out a past episode that is more representative of the podcasts mission. You can start with some recent favorites including my profile of Disability Visibility Podcast host Alice Wong, my conversation with Cheryl Green about the art of accessible and my interview with Day Al Mohamed where you’ll hear all about the Invalid Corps …

There’s close to 100 episodes and one thing that has been quite consistent I think at least is they continue to change and that’s a reflection of my own change and I hope growth.

I’m confident telling you right now, you’re going to like what you hear so you might as well hit that button right now… the one that says…Subscribe!
Apple Podcast, Spotify, Google Podcast, Stitcher, Tune In Radio or wherever you get podcasts.

You can always send me feedback or recommend a guest or topic all you have to do is hollaback!

We have the comments section on the blog, ReidMyMind.com.
The email; ReidMyMindRadio@gmail.com
The Reid My Mind Radio Feedback Line where you can leave a voice mail: 1 570-798-7343

I would really love voice messages that I can share on the podcast. If you don’t want to call, you can grab your smart phone and record a voice memo and email the finished recording to ReidMyMindRadio@gmail.com.

I’d love to hear and share the voices of those who are listening. If you want to send a message but don’t want it shared just say so and it’s all good.

I appreciate you listening and if you liked what you heard please rate and even review the show via Apple Podcast. And please, tell a friend to listen. Spread the love, man!

You can always visit www.ReidMyMind.com, that’s R to the E I D like my last name!

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Outro

Peace!

Hide the transcript

Celebrating Loving & Living Blind

Wednesday, February 13th, 2019

This past January marked the anniversary of my becoming Blind. For most, this doesn’t sound like something to celebrate. I disagree. And in this episode I invited the three most important people in my life to reflect on the past 15 years.
Side by side photos of the Reid Family in 2004 & 2018

It’s not just a personal reflection. Rather something I think can be of use to anyone in the early stage of vision loss. Take a listen and hear how much there is to celebrate.

Listen

Transcript

Show the transcript

TR:
Welcome back to another episode of Reid My Mind Radio. I’m your host and producer T.Reid. In addition to bringing you profiles of interesting people impacted by blindness, low vision, disability, I also use this space to share my own experience with vision loss.

January 2019 made 15 years of being blind. I thought about this on the day that marked the event, the anniversary of my surgery. After reflecting for some time I decided it should be a celebration. So I invited three of the most special people in my life to join me.

And it wouldn’t be a true celebration without you.

That’s up next on Reid My Mind Radio.

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Theme Music!

Audio: “It’s Our Anniversary”, Tony Toni Tone (Instrumental)

TR:

Today, I’m celebrating a gift of 15 years.

I know celebrating blindness seems strange to some so let’s make this clear right now, I’m not celebrating loss.

Audio: “Do you know what today is…” ” Anniversary!” from “It’s Our Anniversary”, Tony Toni Tone

TR:

Interesting fact, most marriages where a partner experiences a disability, end in divorce.

I know a little bit about marriage and disability, but I invited a special guest to help me think about this subject.

Audio: “The Baddest Chick”, Trina

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Can you please just state your name for the record?

Marlett:
Marlett Reid

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And who are you?

Marlett:
I’m the baddest chick!

Audio: As the music gets louder …

Marlett:
I’m your wife!

TR:
First, I asked Marlett to talk about what she felt were the main challenges to relationships impacted by blindness.
Marlett:

One of the challenges would be communicating. Which is considerably hard if that’s not something you normally do. And even between us we needed to be a little bit more gentle with each other’s feelings so that the other person can hear and then once that takes place then I think both parties would be able to work together. I think that was a huge challenge for us. Being able to work together or to hear each other because of not fully understanding how to communicate.

TR:
Poor communication impacts any relationship. Now take away the most relied upon method of communicating among sighted folks. That just enhances any existing problem.

Then there’s external forces.

Marlett:

People can be really rude!

They look at us as being different and their just curious. I remember it was our anniversary and we went to Atlantic City and we were online and waiting to get into the restaurant or it was a comedy club. I leaned in to tell you something and you bent down and the two women behind us leaned in as well. Laughs!… to hear what it was I was telling you or to see if they could read lips. And then I started telling that they’re leaning in… laughs… they’re leaning in to hear what I’m trying to say to you. This is what I was whispering to you.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

TR:
Laughing.. And what did I say…cause I know I probably said something stupid!

Marlett:
I know you were fascinated by it. You were like “seriously!”

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Yeh, I didn’t know!

Marlett:

Right. But that wasn’t like the first time which is why I told you. it was way more than once…

Or, we’re walking down the street and especially if it was men. They weren’t rude or anything, they would get out of our way . They were respectful in that regard. Not trying to mess with us or anything but they would just stare at you. I would look at them and then they would acknowledge me.

They would just stare at you!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

… long pause

So wait are you saying women don’t stare at me?

Marlett:

Laughs… Yeh, they stare at you too sweetheart.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Ah, thank you Hun!

Marlett:

There was the time the woman tried to give you her number. You thought I didn’t know.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

You making this up… Long pause…
Did that really happen?

Marlett:
Such an idiot!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

(Regarding the men staring)

What do you think that’s about?

Marlett:

You look like them. Yet you don’t.
And the fact that you look like them kind of bother’s them. They’re fascinated like how are you able to do this and that. There’s many things that are probably going through their mind, but they’re still freaking rude.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Yeh! Now the ladies they stare for different reasons!

Marlett:

Because they think you’re hot. mm hmm!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Thank you sweetheart.

Marlett:
You’re welcome!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
I appreciate that. Do you want to share what we came up with because I always thought that was a great response to those types of situations. On how to handle it when people are leaning in to our conversations. You want to share what we came up with ?

Marlett:

It’s G, G rated! (Referring to the podcast.)

TR:

Putting my begging for compliments and attention aside, did you notice that. Listen again!

Marlett:
They look at us as being different.

TR:

She could have said they look at you as being different, but she didn’t. She said us. Just an observation.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

We know that relationships are tested during times of all types of hardships. We had a lot of things going on at the time that people say are the most difficult things to deal with;
We bought a house, you were pregnant, my brother passed away and then we found out I was going to be Blind.

Marlett:

Yeh!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
If you could kind of go back to any point in these 15 years, is there anything that you would tell yourself then that you think might be helpful based on what you know now?

Marlett:

I think I would tell myself to know the imp0ortance of total acceptance.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Acceptance of what, what does that mean?

Marlett:

Finding out that you were going to be blind just to accept that. Understand that is the way it’s going to be. He’s going to be blind. So go from there, what are you going to do now? Not try to find a cure. What are you going to do? How are you going to live your life? That’s the important thing.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
You’re saying you sent time trying to find a cure?

Marlett:

I would say probably about three months or maybe a little bit more. I would go downstairs in the basement that’s where we had our computer at the time

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Heh! And it was cold down there too!

Marlett:

agrees)
It was really cold and I had contacted a lot of Doctors. I got responses back. If they didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear I’d continue.

[TR in conversation with Marlett: ]

Wow!

Marlett:

You see some of these people and they saw their wives for the first time. They have the glasses they put on and they

[TR in conversation with Marlett: ]

They had that back then?

They were working on it back then and I knew about that. I would see if you were a candidate.

I would tell my story . I got a lot of responses.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What did they say?

Marlett:

One Doctor I think he realized that I was contacting almost everybody. He said to me.. let me explain something.

They would need the Optic nerve and you didn’t have the Optic nerve on the left or on the right. There was absolutely nothing they were going to be able to do. He was trying to let me know I could stop writing everybody and (laughing ) I guess stop annoying them. Although he didn’t say that. He really went into detail and I think that was my last one I got and then I stopped.
[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

So if you’re doing this and somebody’s telling you to accept it, I don’t think that would have done anything for you. Just the words, like what would have made you…

Marlett:

No, that would have done it and I’ll tell you why. No one was telling me anything. They would tell me… “Oh I’m so sorry!” “Oh you poor thing” I didn’t want to hear all that. If someone sat me down and said you’re trying to find this cure that’s not there when your husband’s there you just need to accept him. If it’s meant to be, if there’s going to be something you know you’ll come along and you’ll find it. But not to sit down here and spend hours and hours because I had no one to talk to. No one understood. I was just annoyed when they did say something which was usually something stupid.

TR:

15 years later, I can see the value in celebrating all aspects of My adjustment.

Remembering the good and bad.

All of the thoughts following the realization that I would never see again. The things I naturally thought I’d miss. The inability to see a future.

After a while though, there were breaks between consecutive days of feeling that way. Bridged by small successes along the way. Days that included accomplishments, random laughs and even short glimpses of hope.

A bit more confidence returning every day. Even if I didn’t realize it at the time. Like the realization that the things I thought I’d miss weren’t as important as the things I still had.

Like my baby girls!

A 6 year old.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]

Please state your name.

Riana:
My name is Riana. (Sounding tired or sad…)

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Ah, what’s the matter Riana… (baby talking voice…)

Riana:
Laughs… shut up!

[TR in conversation with Riana:]

laughs… For the record, how old are you?

Riana:
21.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
What happened to 21 Honey!

Riana
No, it was 20 Honey! And 21 is 21, 21, 21 cause that’s what 21 Savage says. Duh!

TR:
And that little baby who was born just prior to me losing my sight.

Audio: “Hi my name is Raven!”

TR:
Well, that was her at about 3… here she is now.

Raven:
Hi, I’m … (laughs)!my voice cracked! Hi, I’m Raven!

TR:
Two baby girls and two separate experiences of my blindness. Well, maybe some overlaps.

The differences seem expected. One knew a father with sight the other never really did.

Let’s start with Riana.

I asked both of my daughters to give some advice to a little girl who is experiencing what they did as a child of a parent who becomes blind.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]

She’s dealing with issues that you did deal with . People who stare.

Riana:
Mmmm!

[TR in conversation with Riana:]

What would you say to her in terms of dealing with those types of things.

Riana:
I’d say first off, I completely understand what you are going through, because I deal with it all the time! (Expressed forcefully)

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
What is it that you deal with?

Riana:

People staring at my father. People staring for too long. That’s what the problem is…
I feel like… (exhales in frustration) I’m trying to get my words together because my temper’s coming up! I don’t want people to view me as such!

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Ah, so you get angry.

Riana:

I don’t get angry. I get annoyed.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
About?

Riana:

About people. I’ll be blunt. People just don’t know stuff. Their trying to learn because they’ve never seen it before. I don’t even mean a Blind person. It can be anything. I stare at things some times. You might stare at things.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Laughing… No I don’t …

Riana:

I get it. I’m talking to that little girl.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Oh, ok!

Riana:

Saying that like she might stare at things too. Everybody stares

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
What do you think the difference is between a normal stare and a stare that becomes intrusive?

Riana:

When you stare too long! When you’re staring at people just doing regular Things. Let’s say your father has a guide dog. You’re looking at the guide do and you’re like ok this is interesting this is new, well maybe I’ll Google this and then you stop staring. But when you’re just staring a person if you literally turn the table clearly that would make you uncomfortable. Stop doing that!

I’m trying to do like the four principle things and one of them is don’t take things personally but when people are in your personal space I’m going to take it personally!

TR:

Riana’s passionate about this subject.

She’s referring to the book by don Miguel Ruiz, called The Four Agreements.

Riana:

You have every right to take it personally, but don’t let it hurt you because you have to understand that it’s all on the person and not your father or mother who lost their sight. And I know for a fact that I knew that when I was younger but I did not know how to communicate that to you Daddy because sometimes I thought that, you did say that, that I was embarrassed by you but I wasn’t . I was just annoyed by people. That’s literally been me since day one. I don’t like when people are r nosy. When we go to all white places like the diner and I would get mad that people stare. People were not staring because you were Blind people were staring because we were Black and that makes me mad.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]

Laughs.

Riana:

But I’m not embarrassed. I’m serious, I’m not embarrassed to be Black.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
No doubt!

Riana:

You know what I mean. That gets on my nerves when people are so intrusive. I can be quiet and shy, but I do have a very strong opinion about almost everything in life so I sometimes want to communicate that opinion to these people. Stop looking. You want to learn more, YouTube. There’s literally the whole entire internet for you to learn. Or if you want to learn more come talk to him. Like ask him some questions that are not offensive you know what I mean, think before you say. So that’s what I would tell to the girl. If you really truly have a problem and they’re really staring you can go up there and talk to them and say like hey if you have some questions you can come up and talk to my father or my mother. But if you’re not going to ask the question stop staring, cause you got a phone!

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Got a phone as in you can Google it!

Riana:

There’s computers. If you don’t have a phone or a computer there’s a local library. Like come on! There’s so much knowledge you can get! (Said very intensely!)

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Ok, alright, alright! Easy easy, woosa!

Riana:

Woosa!

The two laugh…

Riana:

Daddy I’m rocking back and forth…

The two laughing!

It just gets on my nerves some times.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Ok, so now what would you say to the parent. Because you said something interesting that I assumed you were embarrassed.

Riana:

You did. All the time!

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Laughs…

Riana:
I’m serious you did.

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
I don’t know about all the time but, but ok, ok! Part of that is because you were too young like you said to communicate back.

Riana:

Communicate how I felt!

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
So what would you say to a parent?

Riana:

That sometimes kids don’t know how to communicate how they feel. Sometimes the other person doesn’t know the words to say about the situation.

TR:

Good advice and the whole idea that the problem is with the person staring and not taking it personally… I love that.

For Raven, who was born right before I became Blind there’s no change, nothing to really adapt to. Having a Blind Dad, well that’s just…

Raven:
Just like having a Dad but he can’t drive me places. Laughs… Like that’s it. That’s the only difference.

TR:

Normal

Raven:

I thought everyone had a parent that was blind.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]

Laughs…I don’t know why that makes me laugh.

Raven:
I don’t know either.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
It’s cute and it’s also… I think my child needs help.

Raven:
I really did.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
No, I’m just joking!

Raven:

I have cousins. I did not process this thought.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]

No, but that’s cool though!

TR:

Laughs…Normal is in the eyes of the beholder!

Now look! Don’t let her calm approach fool you.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
What were the questions that you got from school?

Raven:

I remember getting annoyed at certain questions because people would ask really stupid things.

Like “How does he eat?”

Like with a fork!

If someone asks like how you lost your sight, I’d be like oh cancer. I would be fine answering those types of questions. But yeah, they either ask stupid questions or it would just be like how did he loose it.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
Nobody was like you know, teasing or nothing like that?

Raven:

I would have punched them!

[TR in conversation with Raven:]

Ok, I raised you right!

Raven:
Laughs!

TR:

Raven’s advice for that young girl who’s parent is newly Blind is a little different.

Raven:
Well, I’d tell the child that their hearing is advanced so you can’t get away with anything. So don’t try it!

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
Laughing… Oh my goodness.

Raven:

No that’s an actual thing. You lose your sight other sights (senses) get hire.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
I pay attention. No, no it’s not!

Raven:

It’s a thing. I learn that every single year in Science.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]

They are incorrect!

Raven:

It’s like if you’re trying to listen to a conversation and there’s a bunch of conversations going on around you and you’re listening to that one conversation and you’re focused on that one.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
You’re focused. Nothing increases.

So for example. If you have a radio in here, right. That radio only goes up to a certain volume.
Raven:

But if you plug a speaker in…laughs…

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
Laughing… No but , just because that speaker loses a button doesn’t give you an extra speaker.

The two laugh together.

Wow, my own daughter has that false belief.

Raven:

I was told that every single year of my life.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
By who?

Raven:

My science teachers. I’d tell you the stories back in the day how like every time we’d talk about …

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
Senses?

Raven:

Senses! I’d be like hey guys my Dad only has four… laughing…

But we’d always talk about the senses and they’d be like if you lose one of your sense the other ones are increased.

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
No, it’s false!

Raven:

Did you feel that punch!

[TR in conversation with Raven:]
Yes.

Raven:

Exactly, you would not have felt it if you could see!

The two laugh…

TR:

Not only is there false information and stereotypes, but if you think about the way the word blind is used and it’s understandable why people can have a hard time accepting blindness.

More often used to describe everything other than the loss of sight.

Audio: Mix of songs featuring metaphors for blind…

“I’d rather go Blind” Etta James
“When a Blind Man Cries” Deep purple
“Channel Zero” Public Enemy begins with “You’re blind baby, you’re blind from the fax cause you’re watching that garbage!

TR:

Pair blind with other disabilities and oh boy!
As in you’re deaf, dumb and blind.

It’s no wonder that For many adjusting, blind becomes a word to run away from. I don’t think I ever had that choice.

Avoiding the word Blind was the equivalent of trying to pretend I was sighted. I just wasn’t going to be able to get away with that so why even bother.

the word that I did have some feelings about was disabled. I felt as though it ruled out all of my possibilities. Where blind was specific to my eyes, disabled seem to imply that there was nothing about me that worked. A disabled car sits on the side of the road until taken away and or repaired. Athletes on the disabled list don’t even get to suit up for a game. Once again restricted to the sidelines.

But, adjustment is ongoing. You learn new ways of thinking about it, new philosophies.

Like choosing how you view disability.

Do you see it from a medical perspective? As in we need to heal or cure it in order to fix all of the related issues.

If we cure that blindness you won’t need a screen reader. Just fix those legs and who needs curb cuts for wheelchairs. You don’t need wheelchairs.

What about an alternative perspective?

Like the problems with disability stem from the lack of access and societies negative perceptions and expectations.

I also became familiar with person first language as in a person with a disability versus identity first as in Disabled person, Blind person.

This is recognizing Blind as an additional characteristic.

Riana:

If somebody asked me what my father is, you know I might say he is Blind. He’s Black. He’s bald. My father’s probably why I’m this. Or he taught me this or he’s my best friend, I might say that!

[TR in conversation with Riana:]
Ah, thank you sweetheart.

Riana:

I might leave the baldness out but I’d say he’s Black and Blind.

[TR in conversation with Riana]

You changed my Netflix profile to say that!

Riana:

Laughs.. Yeh, baldy!

The two laugh…

TR:

But, isn’t blindness and disability something I’m supposed to overcome?

Audio examples from news segments bridged by static signal…

“He overcame the odds and conquered his disability in the most incredible way”
“Made his disability anything but a disability”
“Doesn’t use her crutches as a crutch”

TR:

We hear things like ” You do that so well I forget you’re blind Based on the common belief around disability, around blindness well, I know I’m guilty of thinking it was a compliment. But it’s not!

More than likely, it’s not said with bad intent. No, they believe this based on their image of blindness. To them not seeing it says something good about you and them. Similar to the false idea that being color blind is helpful to race relations.

I want you to see my blindness. I really want you to know what it actually means and get rid of the nonsense we’ve been fed.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Do you think you look at blindness differently after 15 years?

Marlett:

Yes.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Tell me.

Marlett:

Blindness affects your eyes and that’s it. Not your mind. Not anything else. You just got to do things differently.

TR:
My blindness is now a real part of me. Like other aspects of who I am it’s reflected in the things I do.

My blindness is in the way I walk down the street. And yes, my blindness still has a bop to it!

My blindness is in how I raise my kids. The way my family and I travel. It’s right here in the way I produce audio.

I once thought my podcast shouldn’t be limited to my blindness.

I thought certain topics were blindness related and then there was everything else…

One in 5 people have a disability. Blind people participate in every aspect of life.
Politics, Art, culture, sex.

Me producing and hosting means I can bring a blindness perspective. It doesn’t mean I have to, but there’s no real reason I can’t or shouldn’t.

It’s a part of me and therefore a part of the things I do.

It’s not all of me but a part. I mean, I’ve been blind now for 30 percent of my life.

The name may not reflect it out right, but this is a disability podcast. It’s a blind podcast. It’s everything that I am. It’s Black, it’s Hip-Hop! Those who know can hear it.

It just is because it’s me and it’s my thing!

Audio: It’s My Thing, EPMD mixed into 7 Minutes of Funk…

I don’t consciously recognize my anniversary every year. If it makes itself present, cool! I acknowledge it and personally reflect. Would I like a cake and full celebration? Who wouldn’t like cake?

But I want this celebration to not be mine alone.
I’m thinking of those going through something similar.

For many, the idea of becoming blind is worse than death. That’s not hyperbole.
Different polls have shown this to be true for many.
I’m alive and kicking so I guess I can’t truly make the comparison.

I know not everyone consider celebrating 15 years of being Blind…

Marlett:

If I had to be honest, that’s not how I looked at it. Although I tell you, I remember the prayer that I had. I don’t care what happens, just don’t take him from me. I’m going to start crying. Just don’t take him from me.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Mmm! That’s cool… that’s cool!

Marlett:

I just remembered that in that moment. It came back to me.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Thank you baby, I appreciate that! Nice job!

Marlett:

Thank you!

TR:

This is a celebration of adjustments, acceptance , love and life!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Instead of being in the cold basement researching. If 2003, 2004 there were a podcast called Reid My Mind Radio and you had a fly dude kicking’ the ballistics… laughs… No seriously, if there were a podcast for you to listen to would you have liked to hear from other people on a podcast?

Marlett:

Absolutely! I was, I was hungry…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
I think that was too, that’s too sexy Marlett. You can’t …

Marlett:

I didn’t try to be sexy…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I know but you can’t say hungry. there’s no way I can put that on the air like that. You got to explain it again.

Marlett:

I was looking for something, anything…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Mmm! There you go again. You see, you’re making it sexy. Stop . Just say it without being sexy.

Marlett:

I was looking for answers and there were none. There was no one there to… I felt like to guide me through this journey.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Long pause…

I’ma guide you through this journey! Laughs… fade out.

TR:
Hollaback…

We have the comments section on the blog, ReidMyMind.com.
The email; ReidMyMindRadio@gmail.com
The Reid My Mind Radio Feedback Line where you can leave a voice mail: 1 570-798-7343

I would really love voice messages that I can share on the podcast. If you don’t want to call, you can grab your smart phone and record a voice memo and email the finished recording to ReidMyMindRadio@gmail.com.

I’d love to hear and share the voices of those who are listening. If you want to send a message but don’t want it shared just say so and it’s all good.

Another way to show your love if you like what you hear…

Subscribe!
Apple Podcast, Spotify, Google Podcast Sound Cloud, Stitcher, Tune In Radio or wherever you get podcasts.
Visit www.ReidMyMind.com

So there’s no confusion,
… TR in unison with Marlett:
that’s R to the E I D like my last name!

Peace!

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