A Peak at Finding A New Normal

Today, everyone is talking about a new normal. Those adjusting to blindness or disability in general, have a lot of experience in this way of thinking.

Thomas & Marlett seated under a green tree with a blue sky and scattered white clouds hovering above.
As disability impacts the entire family unit or team, I invited my wife Marlett on the podcast to discuss the topic. The result? Advice on managing those inevitable uncomfortable public encounters, accepting change and even how Tick Tock can help during this pandemic. Well, sort of…

Our discussion is actually a sneak peak into an upcoming episode with Dr. Mona Minkara and her production team from Planes Trains & Canes.

Take a listen to this episode and then check out the documentary series before you meet them all here on the podcast.

Listen

Transcript

Show the transcript

Audio: Sounds of microphones being touched…

Marlett:

I am not touching the microphone or the stand.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Do you see me touching the microphone?

(Long Pause)

And I’m a professional! (Laughs…)

Marlett:

You heard my feet.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What?

Marlett:

you heard my feet, I did this…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh, don’t do that.

Marlett:

Ok!

TR:

What’s up Reid My Mind Radio Family! My name is Thomas Reid. I’m the producer and host of this podcast, bringing you compelling people impacted by all degrees of vision loss from low vision to total blindness.

Every now and then, when inspired, I bring you stories from my own experience as a man adjusting to becoming Blind as an adult.

If you are newly impacted by blindness and you found the podcast, first of all welcome. Secondly, I think you’re going to like it here.

Today’s episode does include my wife Marlett. Ever since the last episode titled Celebrating 15 years of being Blind, I received some feedback from people who enjoyed hearing from her. I made the mistake of letting her know that. As you’ll see here today, it may have went to her head.
Despite that, I asked her on because, well, I’m a great husband.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Intro

TR:

Let me start this off with a warm virtual hug for you all. It feels like every day the idea of normal is pushed further and further. What we would have expected and accepted seems to be a continuous slide in the wrong direction. Specifically,
putting kids in cages, the death of 80 thousand people in two months or racists shooting an innocent young Black man.

Our responsibility, is not to accept it. not to simply act like it is normal.

On this podcast, I don’t often go into politics or current affairs except when I feel it relates to the process of adjusting to blindness. These connections are from my perspective. It’s called Reid My Mind Radio after all.

So when is a good time to accept a new normal?

Right now, just about everyone on this planet is dealing with a new normal. Although we’re all experiencing this pandemic differently, we’re doing it together.

There’s a similar feeling around acquiring a Disability. Now, I’m referring to all of those impacted; parent, child or spouse for example.

Similar feelings but there are some real differences between what is being felt during the pandemic and the experience of disability. For one, the entire world isn’t analyzing it on every news channel. There aren’t easy ways to gain multiple perspectives. It’s more likely something the family goes through alone. Hopefully it’s a real opportunity for that family to become a unit a real team.

I’m on this journey with you so I get it. And so does my wife, Marlett. I invited her on the show to get that team perspective from someone impacted by blindness.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What I noticed from the last time is that if I ask you to introduce yourself you have a big production necessary for the intro and I don’t think I’m going to do that this time. Laughing…

Marlett:

Ok!

Audio: Intro from Celebrating …

Audio: “The Baddest Chick”, Trina

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Can you please just state your name for the record?

Marlett:
Marlett Reid

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And who are you?

Marlett:
I’m the baddest chick!

Audio: As the music gets louder …

Marlett:
I’m your wife!

The music continues.

Now back in the present.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… You want to introduce yourself anyway?

Marlett:

My name is Marlett Reid, currently writing a book so it’s going to be M.E. Reid.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Laughing… you’re here to promote your book? Laughing…

Marlett:

Laughing…

TR:

Ok, when my wife does publish her book, I’m not only buying a bunch for the RMM Radio family, but she’s definitely coming on the podcast. And that I tell you right now, will be the best episode I ever produce!

It’s not always the case, but Marlett and I shared some perspective around this idea of finding the new normal.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

When your life is uprooted because that’s what everybody kind of is really saying…

Marlett:

Right, right.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And then now you have to start to see what is going to be the new normal. And I’m saying that we’ve …

Marlett:

Yeh, we’ve been there.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

The difference to me is that while we were doing that everyone was still living their normal. It felt like we were the only ones doing that because it was just impacting us and our family. Do you see any parallels between what we’ve been through and what’s going on right now?

Marlett:

Nothing new to us. Trying to figure out what to do coming up with new ideas of entertaining the family. Picnics in the living room or family night movies.

Social distancing, that’s funny to me because no one really came around We understood about social distancing people were doing that to us for quite some time. Distancing themselves from us.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Damn!

Marlett:

Well it’s true.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Mm Hmm… (In agreement)

Marlett:

They were distancing themselves. If we went to a party they did social distancing there too.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughs…

Marlett:

We would be in a corner or we’d be in one side and they’d be on another side. They just didn’t have a mask.

TR:

At least not one that was visible.

Audio: Plane taking off…

At the time of this conversation, I was in the process of producing what will be the next episode of the podcast featuring Mona Minkara and her Planes Trains and Canes production team.

The documentary series which can be found on YouTube follows Mona who is Blind, on a journey to 5 different cities around the world where she travels alone using public transportation.

I’m encouraging you to check out the series which I’ll link to on ReidMyMind.com.

I was curious to see what if any parallels Marlett would draw after an explanation of the documentary’s concept.

That is the resulting encounters a Blind woman receives as she’s recorded on video while traveling through an airport or subway.

Marlett’s perspective wasn’t what I expected, but it’s definitely understandable how she got there.
Marlett:

It made me think of African Americans, really. When they try to navigate or go through life, how people treat them.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]
Them? Are you Black?

Marlett:

How people treat us!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughs…

Marlett:

Walking into a bank or walking into a store or walking in a neighborhood.

Audio: YouTube…

“No Justice No Peace!” (Repeats while clips from a news reporter plays…)

“Arrests in the shooting death of a jogger in a Brunswick neighborhood for killing Amaud Aubry. The charges; murder and aggravated assault”

TR:

Perspective matters!

This conversation was on the heels of this latest senseless racist murder of Amaud Aubrey.

(Pause)

When it comes to adjusting to blindness, Marlett and my family are O.G’s in this game!

Marlett:

We have our thing down. We already know what’s going on like I know people talk to me instead of you and I know how I handle that.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Alright so give me an example of that.

Marlett:

If we go, anywhere you have to do something, they’ll talk to me.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

If somebody asked you for an example of that, is there any specific one that you would give. I’m curious to see if it’s the same one.

Marlett:

We went to go vote.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh my gosh!

Marlett:

The woman said you can bring him over here or something, you can correct me if I’m wrong but something to that affect. You spoke up. You said whatever it is that you wanted to say.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I don’t know if I said something or whatever? I probably said something…

Like oh you could talk to me. That’s probably what I said. So it wasn’t until after I got out …

Marlett:

And she said, I shouldn’t have done that. I liked her apology and it was to you. I don’t think she ever did that again.
[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

You’re right so we’re good. Like we’re real good. Like I say hello she says hello and it’s cool. It’s all good. That was a nice interaction because it came out where she got it like immediately.
Do you remember the first time. You might have not noticed it even happened the first time.

Marlett:

Maybe like the first time it happened I didn’t really think about it. Maybe about the third or fourth time I probably thought about it more. I think you and I spoke about it. You knew it was taking place and so you would just speak up real quick but then I think after we talked about it and I was like well I’m not going to say anything , you can just take your time in answering not just jump in there.

TR:

Y’all hear my wife’s way of trying to tell me to chill. That’s cute right! I know it’s because she doesn’t want me to be upset, but ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.

I know I shouldn’t take things personally, but having someone talk around me while I’m standing right there? Remember, I said there are things we should never accept as normal, this is one of them. My recommendation?

Marlett:

You would speak on it or be vocal about how it made you feel, but not like it caused tension between us.

I never answer for you. I won’t answer for you. I will walk away or I’ll turn and look at you for you to respond or I will look at my phone.

TR:

Marlett is so great with these situations now that Every time this happens , I almost feel sorry for the perpetrator. I can feel their confusion. If I am feeling let’s just say a bit feisty, I’ll let them hold onto their confusion and embarrassment for a little while. You brought it out, you hold it! It works, they get it.

It’s a cool play that Marlett and I execute well together.

Marlett:
We still have hiccups.

In the beginning it was a lot of hiccups there because you were used to taking the bags and just going. Boom!

What works best for us when we travel is if we discuss it beforehand. When we freestyle we generally tend to have some hiccups.

TR:

Now first of all did you notice how Marlett made it sound like I was the cause – as in, you were used to taking the bags and going.

Marlett:

Boom!

TR:

She’s right! But truthfully we were both used to that.

She’s also right in the need for us to all be on the same page. Communicate the plan before trying to execute.

On this team, we each have to play our role at any given time.

Our roster includes two more players – our girls.

Marlett:

When they were little that was a little harder. Usually they walked in front of us Riana would hold her sister’s hand and they would walk in front of us. Sometimes behind us and I would glance back occasionally just to make sure they were still with us.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I remember that was a thing because I would always ask you where the girls? (_Laughs…)

Marlett:

Yeh!

TR:

They’re 16 & 22 now. Amazingly, Marlett is still hovering around 32.

Traveling with them today?

Marlett:

The girls leave us!

They’ll make sure that we don’t have anything to hold us up. All we have to do is to get where we have to go. They’re more intoned to what works to get us to where we need to go. Like when we went on the cruise, they took the bags.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I had a bag.

Marlett:

You wouldn’t give up your bag.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I know, yeh, I’m not giving up my bag.

Marlett:

You’re not going to give up your bag that easily. You still got that machismo.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh, wait we’re gonna go there? You think that’s machismo? That’s alright, I don’t have to go into that because you’re wrong and I don’t want them to be all like oh my goodness Marlett we don’t like her anymore.

Marlett:

Some weird laugh that basically translates to whatever! Ok!

TR:

Ok, despite my lovely wife’s incorrect assessment that I have even an ounce of machismo, her lessons here can be helpful no matter who makes up your team.

For example, producing Planes Trains and Canes requires a real team effort. You can hear all about that in the next episode of this podcast.

Before that episode drops on June 2, go check out Planes Trains & Canes. It’s not necessarily a pre-requisite but we do dance around some specific scenes from the documentary series.

I’m also curious to see if we see similar parallels between the show and adjusting to blindness.

Marlett:

I feel like if you’re traveling with someone who is Blind , you two should have a conversation. What makes each one comfortable?

In the beginning when this all happened I was I think in my feelings. I don’t think I really thought about you or me but more so how everybody else was looking at us. Once I got over that part, which I’m not fully over it, but for the most part I am; we work better!

TR:

Adjusting to blindness is not really a place you arrive but rather an ongoing journey. You either decide to take it or find yourself well not really going anywhere.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What would you say goes into being able to accept a new normal?

Marlett:

Understanding you can’t change anything so you got to make it work for you. You know the pandemic came around, there’s nothing we can do about it, there’s no cure. The only thing at this point is you got to stay away from people so that is going to be our new normal. Handle it! Things always change that’s life. Nothing ever stays the same, you got to change with the times.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

… That’s real talk!

It doesn’t sound like you’re very compassionate about it . Like I thought you might be a little more compassionate.

Marlett:

I am being compassionate. I’m telling you the truth. I’m trying to get you to get over it quickly. Pull off the Band-Aid. It is what it is. I could hold your hand and we can go through it but…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

See I don’t understand why you can do that but when I do that you’re like (mockingly) Tommy! (Laughs) ]

I’m just going to put this out there because I try to tell everyone I’m the compassionate one in the family.

Marlett:

Exhales… Uh Lord!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And I think I just got proof of that. It’s definitely evidence.

Marlett:

I realized one thing about this pandemic, this whole thing with the Tick Tock.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Oh God! Laughing…

Marlett:

But wait a minute. This whole thing with the Tick Tock!
[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Hold up, hold up, hold up! I don’t know if everybody knows Tick Tock.

Marlett:

Well Tick Tock is this app where the older generations are dominating this app. I think a lot of people know about Tick Tock. But the great thing about Tick Tock is that…

Audio: Marlett continues with volume lowered….

TR:

Reid My Mind Radio Family, I need your help. I think my wife has an addiction to Tick Tock. If you don’t know, it’s a pretty popular app now that was pre-pandemic considered for the kids. It enables quick short videos often consisting of lip singing or short dance routines.

I’m going to spare you as she tries to rationalize her obsession with claims of this app building bridges.

I’m not saying it’s not true, because honestly, I don’t really use the app. the majority of the content that I’ve come across is predominantly visual and audio description is not an option.

Even the killer content I made with my youngest Raven, a highly sophisticated and intricate dance routine, had no way of including description.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Yo whose the Tick Tock Killa?

Marlett:

That would be you Thomas. (Said very sarcastically!)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

That’s me, the Tick Tock Killa!

I think you only like Tick Tock because you like to say Tick Tock. I think that’s why this app is actually doing so well because people like to say Tick Tock.

Marlett:

Tick, Tock!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I should have named my podcast Tick Tock and I probably have a whole lot more people listening and subscribing, you know what I’m saying?

Marlett:

I don’t know maybe you’re right. I do like Tick Tock. Yeah!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I ask people to subscribe…

Marlett:

It’s the way you ask people… (she fades her own voice out)

It’s the way you do it! You have to ask…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Wait up, first of all how do I do it? That it’s the way I do it.

Marlett:

I don’t know how you do it, but it’s not the right way. I’m just saying it’s probably not the right way.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

How can you say it’s the wrong way. Oh my God! (Laughing hysterically)

Marlett:

So I’m going to ask everybody to subscribe. And leave me a little heart emoji or a smile or say hi Marlett. (Spelled out)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Where are they going to do that?

Marlett:

At ReidMyMind.
my content

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Dot com you’re talking about? You want them to subscribe and leave a comment on the episode page?

Marlett:

Yeh!… Yeh!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Now I’m gonna tell you right now…

Marlett:

Yeh! I would like everybody to say hi. I would love it. I feel that energy it would just make me so happy. Just, just tell me hi!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Long pause…

Do you know how many times I ask people to subscribe, to reach out?

Marlett:

And Subscribe…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I give the phone number. I get some people, but you think you’re going to get…. (Laughs…)

Marlett:

What’s so funny?

My energy and their energy. They’re feeling my energy and they’re going to go and subscribe and they’re going to say hi Marlett.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

So what’s the matter with my energy?

Marlett:

Hi Marlett. (Name spelled out)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What’s the matter with my energy?

Marlett:

And I’m going to say hi right back. And I’m going to send emoji’s and everything. Yeh!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Ok!

Marlett:

Cause I have an awesome energy.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Ok, I hope you’re right

Marlett:

I’m right!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Exhale….

Marlett:

I’m right!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

On the real, I’d be jealous. I’m not going to lie. I’d be a little jealous. I’m not going to hate though. I don’t think they’re going to do it anyway.

Marlett:

Laughing… Alright!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Cause I know you’re only doing this because you lost the Tick Tock battle, because you never did it because I won the Tick Tock battle.

Marlett:

Exhales….

I didn’t do the Tick Tock because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

I killed that joint! If I have an audio described Tick Tock, Bee, I’m killing the game! Put some audio description on my Tick Tock, and then everybody be like Yo! Tick Tock Killa, T.Reid… Tick tock Killa!

Marlett:

You know, speaking of audio description…

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Alright, thank you babe!

you’re trying to take over the podcast now I can tell.

Marlett:

I’m not done.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Excuse me!

Marlett:

I’m not done.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… what? Laughing…

Marlett:

Why are you trying to kick me off . You know what it is right?

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

What?

Marlett:

He’s jealous. (Long pause)

Because the shows I’m on do so well. Mm hmm. Because I’m on it.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughs…

Marlett:

It’s that energy.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing…
The energy that’s going to get people to do what?

Marlett:

They’re going to go and they’re going to subscribe

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Umm hmm And how are you going to know they did that?

Marlett:

Because they’re going to leave me a little note and it’s going to say Hi Marlett! (Named spelled out again)

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

You know you got that spelling thing from me right?

Marlett:

I think you got it from me. Yep!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing…

Marlett:

So make sure you go, Reid My Mind Radio!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Where can they go to subscribe?

Marlett:

Anywhere that has podcasts.

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

And then what’s the website?

Marlett:

ReidMyMind.com

R to the E I D

(Audio: “D and that’s me in the place to be!” Slick Rick)

Marlett:

Like MY last name!

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… That was good!

Audio: Reid My Mind Radio Outro

Marlett:

Peace

[TR in conversation with Marlett:]

Laughing… There it is. alright, Nice!

You’re trying to get your own podcast. Whatever Bee. I didn’t press record.

Marlett:

That’s not even funny!

Hide the transcript

2 Responses to “A Peak at Finding A New Normal”

  1. Angel Ray says:

    Hi Marlett???? That’s right… Keep Thomas in line! Hey Thomas, love your show! ?
    I can so relate to the feeling isolated in a room full of people… My husband tells me how people nod to him from across the room and mouth “you’re a good man“! I’ve even had someone ask him if he was my caregiver! Seems like blindness and isolation go hand-in-hand… Social distancing for real!
    I’ll be sure to watch the documentary you recommended… I’ve tried many times to get my 21-year-old or my 18-year-old to follow me and film peoples reactions to me but they still haven’t taken me up on it. Keep up the good work! ?
    It’s really sweet to hear you and Marlett banter… She should come on more often! Don’t be jealous Thomas!

  2. Marlett says:

    Hi Angel, your message brought a smile to my face. I am glad you liked this podcast. I definitely think we both should start a petition in which Thomas has me on every podcast as a co host with pay LOL!

    Thanks again for taking the time to comment! Stay safe and well (:

    Marlett

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